An Important Group

In one of my posts, I described how I've gained more respect for reliable people.  I cited two different types of friends: reliable distant friends, and unreliable close friends.  I forgot to mention one important group of friends: reliable close friends.

Have Some Confidence

A woman often cites confidence when asked what she looks for in an ideal man.  I, also, like a confident woman.  A woman can show good confidence by having good posture.  Each one of my ex-girlfriends had/has good posture.  A pretty girl can ruin her beauty by slumping her body.  If you're beautiful show off your beauty, and if you're not beautiful, fool people.

I Think I Eventually Can

I'm very particular about the use of the word "can't".  I hate it when a person tells me I can't do something.  That, literally, makes me cringe.  Every weekend, I have physical therapy at my house.  During my physical therapy session, I go on my treadmill with my physical therapist assisting me.  Recently, my dad has "upped" the speed on the treadmill to a relatively fast pace.  I think running is defined as having both feet off of the ground at a single moment.  Although my workouts on the treadmill feel very tough, I haven't quite reached the running pace yet.  So, although I will one day, I can't run.

Terrible Home

My mom has a magazine entitled "Traditional Home".  The publishers of this magazine should change the title to Terrible Home.

Go With the Flow

"Going with the flow" ("rolling with the punches") used to make sense to me, philosophically.  Now, I actually "go with the flow" in life.

I think I hate Christian Rock more than any person.

Rockstars should sniff cocaine, and Rockstars should nonchallantly have sexual intercourse.  Rockstars shouldn't praise Jesus.

What Do I Need?

In my recovery, I've had a very tough time doing things a person normally takes for granted (buttoning a shirt).  As a result, I've come to appreciate most things humans don't "need" help with.  I've made many gains by sticking with something, and not asking for help (also by not saying I "need" help), or by not giving up.  The area of "needing" help has become very blurry to me.  Often, a person says he or she needs help when he or she just has an extremely difficult time accomplishing the task at hand.  I think the word "need" applies to a case that someone uses assistance in a situation that someone doesn't have the physical ability to do something.  Humans need airplanes to fly, as humans don't have bodies capable of flight (no matter what "R. Kelly" says).  In my groups at therapy, another brain-damaged patient claims he or she "needs" help with something.  I'd say that person just has an extremely difficult time doing that thing.  You might disagree with me on this subject.  Like I stated, the area of "needing" help has become very blurry to me.

Why does a person always want me to smile?

Maybe Cindy Crawford's feet smell abnormally bad. Let that possibility marinate.

Every Mature Person Can Relate To This

As I've matured, I've gained a lot of respect for reliable people.  I have some very close friends who just aren't reliable.  I have a lot more respect for my distant friend who are reliable than I have for my close friends who aren't reliable.  Reliability demands respect.  When the shit hits the fan, like it did with me 2.5 years ago, I'd count on my reliable distant friends before I'd count on my unreliable close friends.  No substitute for reliability exists.

I can't think of a situation in which a person would enjoy/like Snapples' ad. campaign of "Win nothing instantly".

TGIT

TGIM

I hate bigots and racists.

Cool Words

A professor once told me this in grad. school, and I think it's complexly simple:

complex equates to simple

complicated equates to simplistic

My new solo album - Bitches Be Lactating

I've finally released a new album featuring hits such as NB Ratio, Impregnation, and Pre-menopause.

I Dislike Christian "Rock"

Christian "Rock" really sucks.  I think rock and roll embraces things (like drug and sex) that true Christians deny.  I think rock and roll embraces the degradation of society.  Christianity praises structure and believing in something.  A person who wants society to degrade often believes in nothing.  So I really think a Christian "rocker" has his or her fans fooled.

I Got Dooped

I posted a link to a video of a girl carching fire.  She and Jimmy Kimmel confessed they made it up.  That girl is a stuntwoman.  I really wish it were of a girl accidentally catching fire as a result of dancing.

TGIW

Felines have such tiny brains.

Does anyone, beside my parents, still use a land-line?

Don't Stop Thinking About Tomorrow

I have a "Shop Rite" bag that reads "recycle this bag for a better tomorrow".  I think tomorrow will be to soon for anyone to feel the effects of recycling.  "Shop Rite" has very high expectations for recycling.

Fluffin wrote a new book entitled "Fruitless Jumping".

Sporting Facial Hair Doesn't Automatically Make You a Scumbag

I hate the Red Sox, not only because I'm a huge Yankees' fan, but because all of the Red Sox give facial hair a bad name.  It's like a clubhouse trend to look like a scumbag.  Most of the Red Sox sport these ratty un-groomed beards.  They mostly grow long hair, and basically each player does whatever he can to look like the biggest scum bag he possibly can.  Kevin Youkilis and Johnny Damon went from looking like homeless beggars to both looking as smooth as a baby's bottom when they joined the Yankees.  You can still grow a beard (like me) without looking like a scumbag (like Dustin Pedroia).

The Best Jelly Donut On the Planet

My LBI house is next to a bakery that has a sign in front of the establishment that reads "home of the best jelly donut on the planet".  This bakery, as the sign reads, only makes 1 jelly donut each day that tastes better than any other jelly donut on the planet.  With every jelly donut one purchases, that person might not receive the 1 great jelly donut.  I think I received it this morning.

A Re-posting of my 2nd Finest Work (may contain some material unsuitable for people under the age of 17): Grandma's Whip

You can barely see a face,
buried behind those shades,
but she don't give a fuck,
'cuz her cataracts are safe.

prescription insoles,
feelin' the flow,
titties hangin low,
on her way to the sto'

panty hose high,
watch grandma fly,
27 in a 45,
middlefingers in her eye

Grandma don't care.
She's cruisin' in her whip.
a tricked out, suped-up,
Honda Civic, '96

sportin' 20 inch rims,
can't barely see no rubber,
got those flashing neon lights,
on the bottom of that sucker

top speed 120,
but the engine's real loud,
She's drilled holes in the muffler,
To make that awful sound

bright green paint job,
illegal fuckin' tints,
big-ass apache wing,
on the back of that shit

When she drives by the high school,
All the wiggers bust a nut.
"Damn, even my purple Mitsubishi,
Ain't that hooked up!"

Drivin up to the intersection,
She stops at the light.
looks out her window,
sees some kid on a bike.

Grandma revs her fuckin engine.
stares this bitch in the eye
the little kid stairs back,
it's racing time.

The light turns green,
but Grandma's a little slow.
Not even the honkin', and the cursin'
can make Grandma go.

By now it's too late.
The kid is out of sight.
Grandma's strait loungin'
at the same fuckin' light.

Grandma don't care.
She's chillin' in her whip.
Her suped-up,
bright green, Honda is the shit.

When does a kitten become a cat?

Why does the military tell time differently than the general public?

I have the most powerful "sweet tooth" of anybody alive.

I have a very strong "sweet tooth".  I don't have a big "sweet tooth".  My "sweet tooth" has strength comparable to Dan Severn.  Don't ever compare my "sweet tooth" to Tank Abbot.  It's all about density.

Cursing Doesn't Enhance Comedy

I have great respect for a comedian who doesn't curse, like Jerry Seinfeld, because it puts all of the emphasis on the comedy, not on the graphic nature of the content.  I watched a Richard Pryor stand-up, and because he's identified as a "dirty comedian", I felt like he used curse words to identify with this label.  I saw Jerry Seinfeld do a stand up performance on "The Late Show", and I loved the performance.  The censors didn't have to edit anything, either, so the TV audience heard everything.  In my opinion, the fact that Jerry Seinfeld doesn't curse in his routine enhances (not detracts from) his comedy.

I like muffins more than anybody on Planet Earth.