It's Better To Give Then To Receive

As I've matured, I've realized the pleasure one receives when giving a gift.  Gift-giving isn't about receiving a dumb object that you'll someday grow bored with.  Gift-giving is about embracing (and cherishing) the relationship you've developed with the person receiving the gift, and giving him or her something that he or she will someday love, and enjoying the happiness he or she feels when opening that gift.  This Christmas I gave to my grandma a comfortable blanket, because she puts a blanket on me after therapy.  She's sometimes at my house, and she has a knack for tucking a person in for a nap.  Since she became / has been the Master Tucker-Inner, I decided to give her a comfortable blanket to re-pay her for her service to my comfort.

I can't wait until I can walk to the car that I used to own (and I will someday own it again), and drive it to Wawa. I can wait until I gain so much weight from drinking Wawa milkshakes.

My Friend Has a Close Relationship With His Penis

I have a friend who has an exceptionally polite relationship with his genitalia.  Whenever he pulls out his genitals to urinate he says, "How are you?"  When he has finished urinating he says, "Thank you."

If I ever become really famous, I'll start a group entitled SPAGI. SPAGI stands for S.trait P.eople A.gainst G.ay I.ntolerance. Witnessing someone derogatively refer to a homosexual or homosexuals really upsets me.

"You have a bad attitude about starving to death."

After I watch Dave Chappelle's bit on "The Secret", in which he states starving children have real problems when compared to middle-class angst, I realize that my "problems" are relatively insignificant.

In an effort to be more "normal", I promised myself to limit my posts about Fluffin, but I just love my cat and I don't care about expressing that.

I have a hard time getting down with anyone who doesn't love Neopolitan Ice Cream.

You CAN Do It, Keri!

A person often tells me he or she wishes he or she has my determination, and my persistance.  Unlike looks, these things aren't genetic.  I'm pretty tired of people "wishing" he or she could work as hard as me.  I often deprive myself of the foods I desperately crave.  I have an unending appetite.  My insatiable appetite IS genetic, and it does take determination to keep my body not obese.  I just want others to understand this: you CAN have my determination, and you CAN have my persistance.  In other words, get off your lazy butt and do something productive.

You can't always take the path of least resistance, and be happy.

Be a Gentleman

As long as a person acts polite and respectful in most situations, I have respect for that person. That person might be a weakling, but I'll have respect for him or her, and no chance will exist that this person's weakness will succumb to my dominant strength. *Disclaimer: Although I'm pretty strong, I don't think I have "dominant strength". I only use that term to exaggerate (in a funny way) the strength I have. I'm, actually, regardless of what my parents say, pretty skinny. I represent no challenge, physically, to a body builder who actually has "dominant strength". I'm arrogant and (in my opinion) pretty funny. At times, ideas that I express should be taken as humor, and not as arrogance. Re-focussing on the topic, it doesn't hurt to be polite to people. Before my accident, I acted like a punk in some situations. I have been much more friendly and polite since my accident. It seems as if people have really reacted positively to this behavioral alteration, and haven't taken advantage of me (I don't think so).

The "Wierd Al" Question

If I started to parody "Wierd Al" songs, would I be parodying "Wierd Al" songs, or would I be parodying original songs? If I make a parody of a parody, what am I parodying? What if someone parodies my parodies?

I used to have the UFMEA, but now I have the IFMEA.

Humping

Why do people call Wednesday "Hump Day"? "Hump Day" has no activity attached to it. A person does not walk around indiscriminently humping people, and then blames his or her behavior on "Hump Day". I wish people did this.

I Really Don't Care About the Populus

I had a therapist once call me a "hipster". I think this stems from my tendency to sport a "hipster" fashion. I think hipsters like things that have a "progressive feel". "Hipsters" claim to go "against the grain". As soon as something becomes not too progressive, a hipster will abandon that thing.  I don't care at all about the populus. I just do what I like, regardless of how the public views that thing. I don't make fashion statements. If I wear a noticeable pair of shoes, it's just because I like those shoes, not because I want people to notice me.

Rutgers should've realized before they joined the Big 10 that the Big 10 competition will smoke them.

Snorting Cocaine through your eyeballs gets you so high. I'd certainly recommend it.

I think calling anybody who grows a mustache for "Movember" a "hipster" is petty. These people are trying to promote an admirable cause, and I think the act of ridiculing somebodies "Movember" mustache is very petty. You should ridicule a bigot, or a rasict. I'm pretty young for a prostate examination, so I won't recognize the "Movember" cause and have my prostate examined.

My cat looks so happy right now. She's curled up in a ball, sleeping on a chair , in the sun. I can't think of a better situation for her. She's a content ball of fluff.

I love to hand out nuts to my father and sister. Walnuts are brain-food.

People close to me call me "Matthew Potatoes".

Why Must I Be Surrounded By Such Incompotent Fools?

My family has had a nightmare dealing with the transportation service that is assigned to take me to therapy. Noone comes to pick me to take me to therapy often in the morning, even though my family (and my insurance) has assigned someone to do so. So, in the morning, my mom (who's an exceptionally hard worker) sometimes must take me to therapy, and this causes her to show up late at her job, and her students wait around like schmucks. My mom doesn't deserve to show up late to her job (which she rules at) because some fool neglected to put my house into the schedule. The country can't run like this.

Through all of the shit she has had to deal with in the past few years, my mom still cooks great food.

A Short Story I Wrote in 1st Grade: Frankenstein and Me

I saw a castle. I had to follow a path. I got to the castle. I went in it. In it was a box. I opened it and in the box was a dead body. It was Frankenstein. He said, "Hello, how are you Matthew?" We go out for pizza. It was good. We go to my house. We go to bed. He says goodnight. I say goodnight, too.

Don't act like a punk if you want people to respect you.

If you're sad, keep it to yourself. Don't bring others down with your negativity.

I have a hard time getting down with anyone who doesn't know what acronym IFMES stands for.

My mom just hates knives.

I'm not as polite as I once was (especially regarding sneezing).

My mom heats up left-overs better than your mom.

I, one day, hope to love my job as much as the guy on "NFL Red Zone".

Once a Runner, Always a Runner

I went into a running store just to browse, because I have, and always have had, a tremendous obsession with running sneakers. As I browsed through the store, I thought, "What do these ambulatories make of a person in a wheelchair browsing around a running (the apex of bi-pedalism) store?" My dad says to a sales clerk, (the clerk clearly noticed my obsession with running sneakers) "once a runner, always a runner."

In considering the value of different parts of a slice of pizza, I enjoy the crust-part the least.

The Existential Implications of My Accident

Each time I hear Tyler Chaira (the person who saved my life) relay the story about my accident, I feel that Tyler tells a story out of a novel written by an existentialist. Tyler told the ski patrol he couldn't find his friend who mysteriously went missing. The ski patrol didn't do shit while Tyler took the ski-lift up to the top of the mountain, and rode down the same trail we'd just taken (I don't remember any of this. I only know of the day what Tyler tells me). The entire time, Tyler thinks, "Matt's probably at the bar, drinking a beer, and relaxing." This thought couldn't be further from reality. Meanwhile, I'm lying on the mountain, not drinking a beer, but bloody from hitting something (probably a rock, I don't remember). The "ski patrol", the members of which have a job to rescue someone like me, doesn't do shit, as if this story were taken out of an existential novel.

Witnessing the granduer of "2001: A Space Odyssey" makes one realize Stanley Kubrick dominates the filmmaking realm.

Innocent Until Proven Guilty

A law should exist that makes it illegal to associate someone's name with a crime before he or she is found guilty or innocent of that crime. Whenever the media continuously associates a person's name with a crime, a person in the public makes his or her own verdict. Unless the media reveals substantial evidence to prove the said person's innocence, the "court of public opinion" usually finds the defendant guilty, which I find totally unfair. A person in a jury can't talk about the case outside of the court, in order to ensure he or she comes to his or her own verdict. I think the same rule should apply to the media, in order to not tarnish one's name.

Gary Nova (the notorious QB for Rutgers football) changed his name to Gary Interception.

Where Is My Mind?

The main adversary of my recovery is and has been my own brain. If I constantly fight my own brain, then exactly where is my brain? I know the answer. I only injured 1 half of my brain, therefore, save from "shaken baby syndrome", the neurons on the other side of the brain didn't get harmed. They've always been relatively harmed, but I can't save me from myself. I didn't completely injure my entire brain, in which case I'd be dead. I'm alive, and have 1 hell of an injury to defeat. I'm in the 2 minute warning.

In tough times, remind yourself of 1 thing: it's your couch, not my couch.

Peyton Manning has such an enormous head.

Injured or Damaged?

When does injury turn into damage. I haD (emphasis on the passive voice) a brain injury, and now I haVE brain damage. When did I go or did I go from being injured to being damaged?

It's wierd how when I forget about weekends and holidays, I become very happy.

I don't have half of my mom's DNA. I do have half of a copy of my mom's DNA.

dis·a·bled [dis-ey-buhld] Show IPA adjective 1. crippled; injured; incapacitated.

My dad's friend has a daughter and that daughter has a fiance who has cerebral palsy. My dad and I saw my dad's friend with his daughter's fiance at a Rutgers' football game the other day. This man with cerebral palsy has a very friendly personality. Afterward, my dad told me this guy never backs down from a challenge. This man has always lived with a "disability", and thus he has become accustomed to facing challenges. I once thought of having a "disability" as looking weak. Actually, the opposit is true. I once had triathletes and marathoners as heroes. Now, I think I have "Special Olympic" athletes as heroes. These athletes have to face challenges in everyday life, along with self-imposed challenges. I once thought I was on the trail of running again. I now think I'm a strong person who faces challenges everyday while trying to do the best I can, and running again will just be a result of my hard work. Don't ever call me "crippled" or "incapacitated". I am injured, but aren't most people?

Reasons Why I Feel Lucky

1. I'm not dead 2. The recovery from my accident has taught me a lot about life. 3. I feel enlightened. 4. Although I have a lot of work to do to run again, the recovery from my accident has taught me I can do a lot with determination. When I do run again, I'll feel great that I've gotten to that point, and I'll be a better runner than I ever was. 5. I've made many awesome friends in my therapies. 6. If I forget things, I can just blame it on my brain injury.

I hope you didn't miss the "News12" feature on my friend and me entitled "The Arrogant Prick and the Tardy Schmuck".

A fine line exists between "going with your gut" and being impulsive, and a fine line also exists between multi-tasking and being distracted.

Achieve the Alignment of the Internal-self and the External-self

A person often tells me he or she wants me to return to the way I was before my accident. I wish I could, EXTERNALLY, return to my former self, but I think I've really, INTERNALLY, matured. I have a much more positive outlook on living. Prior to 2011, I had a relatively negative outlook on life and human beings. Now, I feel very positive. Now I just want to have the external self be as awesome as the internal self.

Love Animals

I love animals so much. I once saw having a strong relationship with animals as having a defecit in one's human relationships. Now, I see having a strong relationship with animals as having a great understanding/respect for the animal kingdom (which humans belong to).

I could've done without all of the superfluous people on Sunday. I took way too many photos. "Instead of enjoying my chili, I'll take a picture."

I really have a twisted sense of humor: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IfRQJ4tLS7I (I think this video is funny)

I Support the Seperation of Church and Rock n' Roll

Don't praise Jesus in the form of rock n' roll.

Be a Friendly Stranger

I went to Hartwyck, my therapy building, for the last time today. As I said goodbye to the lady at the front desk, who's very nice, and who I've grown a nice relationship with, she gave me well-wishes on the rest of my recovery. Thinking about the nice relationship I have with this "stranger" reminded me how it's nice to be friendly to people, and to cultivate good relationships with most people.

How do I construct a high-def chair?

I don't think cats have ANY pride.

This is pretty cool: http://mebs.gmnews.com//news/2013-10-10/Front_Page/5K_to_help_Monroe_man_on_the_road_to_recovery.html?fb_action_ids=10151981751513573&fb_action_types=og.likes&fb_source=other_multiline&action_object_map=%7B%2210151981751513573%22%3A238205346331344%7D&action_type_map=%7B%2210151981751513573%22%3A%22og.likes%22%7D&action_ref_map=%5B%5D

"Grizzly Bear" did a great job of composing "Yellow House".

I'll turn 30-years-old soon, and I don't care. I just flew (literally flew) out of my mom's body almost 30 years ago (that's it).

Register for my 5K. It's only 6 days away.

Kate Upton isn't fat. She just has luscious curves.

Why would anyone call this beauty fat? I'd love to see her percentage of body fat.

"Shipbottom Shellfish" never disappoints.

I Hate Over-branding

I think clothing branding symbolizes a huge problem with society. You've already paid to wear the company's clothing, and now you want walk around wearing the company's logo? Let the advertisers do the advertising. Have some originality. Wear clothes that don't, literally, say "I shop hear".

If You Don't Receive Something You "Need", You'll Die

In an older entry, I stated how the the definition of the word "need" has become hazy to me. The word "need" has an absolutely un-hazy definition. Since I don't think I need most things, I thought I had a different perception of the definition of the word "need" than the general public. Often, for a thing a person says he or she "needs", that person actually doesn't need that thing at all. Merriam-Webster.com defines "need" as: a situation in which someone or something must do or have something. Basically, if you "need" something, you must have it or you will die. Humans only "need" water, food, and shelter. Nobody "needs" a lot of friends. We only develop friendships and fall in love to keep us "normal".

Sudoku is so beautiful.

Losing My Religion

Some people feel bad for me because I don't have a religion.  I don't think this is so bad.  I have faith in humanity.  I believe it's better to have faith in people than to have faith in something like Jesus while thinking a person always has a bad intention.

An Important Group

In one of my posts, I described how I've gained more respect for reliable people.  I cited two different types of friends: reliable distant friends, and unreliable close friends.  I forgot to mention one important group of friends: reliable close friends.

Have Some Confidence

A woman often cites confidence when asked what she looks for in an ideal man.  I, also, like a confident woman.  A woman can show good confidence by having good posture.  Each one of my ex-girlfriends had/has good posture.  A pretty girl can ruin her beauty by slumping her body.  If you're beautiful show off your beauty, and if you're not beautiful, fool people.

I Think I Eventually Can

I'm very particular about the use of the word "can't".  I hate it when a person tells me I can't do something.  That, literally, makes me cringe.  Every weekend, I have physical therapy at my house.  During my physical therapy session, I go on my treadmill with my physical therapist assisting me.  Recently, my dad has "upped" the speed on the treadmill to a relatively fast pace.  I think running is defined as having both feet off of the ground at a single moment.  Although my workouts on the treadmill feel very tough, I haven't quite reached the running pace yet.  So, although I will one day, I can't run.

Terrible Home

My mom has a magazine entitled "Traditional Home".  The publishers of this magazine should change the title to Terrible Home.

Go With the Flow

"Going with the flow" ("rolling with the punches") used to make sense to me, philosophically.  Now, I actually "go with the flow" in life.

I think I hate Christian Rock more than any person.

Rockstars should sniff cocaine, and Rockstars should nonchallantly have sexual intercourse.  Rockstars shouldn't praise Jesus.

What Do I Need?

In my recovery, I've had a very tough time doing things a person normally takes for granted (buttoning a shirt).  As a result, I've come to appreciate most things humans don't "need" help with.  I've made many gains by sticking with something, and not asking for help (also by not saying I "need" help), or by not giving up.  The area of "needing" help has become very blurry to me.  Often, a person says he or she needs help when he or she just has an extremely difficult time accomplishing the task at hand.  I think the word "need" applies to a case that someone uses assistance in a situation that someone doesn't have the physical ability to do something.  Humans need airplanes to fly, as humans don't have bodies capable of flight (no matter what "R. Kelly" says).  In my groups at therapy, another brain-damaged patient claims he or she "needs" help with something.  I'd say that person just has an extremely difficult time doing that thing.  You might disagree with me on this subject.  Like I stated, the area of "needing" help has become very blurry to me.

Why does a person always want me to smile?

Maybe Cindy Crawford's feet smell abnormally bad. Let that possibility marinate.

Every Mature Person Can Relate To This

As I've matured, I've gained a lot of respect for reliable people.  I have some very close friends who just aren't reliable.  I have a lot more respect for my distant friend who are reliable than I have for my close friends who aren't reliable.  Reliability demands respect.  When the shit hits the fan, like it did with me 2.5 years ago, I'd count on my reliable distant friends before I'd count on my unreliable close friends.  No substitute for reliability exists.

I can't think of a situation in which a person would enjoy/like Snapples' ad. campaign of "Win nothing instantly".

TGIT

TGIM

I hate bigots and racists.

Cool Words

A professor once told me this in grad. school, and I think it's complexly simple:

complex equates to simple

complicated equates to simplistic

My new solo album - Bitches Be Lactating

I've finally released a new album featuring hits such as NB Ratio, Impregnation, and Pre-menopause.

I Dislike Christian "Rock"

Christian "Rock" really sucks.  I think rock and roll embraces things (like drug and sex) that true Christians deny.  I think rock and roll embraces the degradation of society.  Christianity praises structure and believing in something.  A person who wants society to degrade often believes in nothing.  So I really think a Christian "rocker" has his or her fans fooled.

I Got Dooped

I posted a link to a video of a girl carching fire.  She and Jimmy Kimmel confessed they made it up.  That girl is a stuntwoman.  I really wish it were of a girl accidentally catching fire as a result of dancing.

TGIW

Felines have such tiny brains.

Does anyone, beside my parents, still use a land-line?

Don't Stop Thinking About Tomorrow

I have a "Shop Rite" bag that reads "recycle this bag for a better tomorrow".  I think tomorrow will be to soon for anyone to feel the effects of recycling.  "Shop Rite" has very high expectations for recycling.

Fluffin wrote a new book entitled "Fruitless Jumping".

Sporting Facial Hair Doesn't Automatically Make You a Scumbag

I hate the Red Sox, not only because I'm a huge Yankees' fan, but because all of the Red Sox give facial hair a bad name.  It's like a clubhouse trend to look like a scumbag.  Most of the Red Sox sport these ratty un-groomed beards.  They mostly grow long hair, and basically each player does whatever he can to look like the biggest scum bag he possibly can.  Kevin Youkilis and Johnny Damon went from looking like homeless beggars to both looking as smooth as a baby's bottom when they joined the Yankees.  You can still grow a beard (like me) without looking like a scumbag (like Dustin Pedroia).

The Best Jelly Donut On the Planet

My LBI house is next to a bakery that has a sign in front of the establishment that reads "home of the best jelly donut on the planet".  This bakery, as the sign reads, only makes 1 jelly donut each day that tastes better than any other jelly donut on the planet.  With every jelly donut one purchases, that person might not receive the 1 great jelly donut.  I think I received it this morning.

A Re-posting of my 2nd Finest Work (may contain some material unsuitable for people under the age of 17): Grandma's Whip

You can barely see a face,
buried behind those shades,
but she don't give a fuck,
'cuz her cataracts are safe.

prescription insoles,
feelin' the flow,
titties hangin low,
on her way to the sto'

panty hose high,
watch grandma fly,
27 in a 45,
middlefingers in her eye

Grandma don't care.
She's cruisin' in her whip.
a tricked out, suped-up,
Honda Civic, '96

sportin' 20 inch rims,
can't barely see no rubber,
got those flashing neon lights,
on the bottom of that sucker

top speed 120,
but the engine's real loud,
She's drilled holes in the muffler,
To make that awful sound

bright green paint job,
illegal fuckin' tints,
big-ass apache wing,
on the back of that shit

When she drives by the high school,
All the wiggers bust a nut.
"Damn, even my purple Mitsubishi,
Ain't that hooked up!"

Drivin up to the intersection,
She stops at the light.
looks out her window,
sees some kid on a bike.

Grandma revs her fuckin engine.
stares this bitch in the eye
the little kid stairs back,
it's racing time.

The light turns green,
but Grandma's a little slow.
Not even the honkin', and the cursin'
can make Grandma go.

By now it's too late.
The kid is out of sight.
Grandma's strait loungin'
at the same fuckin' light.

Grandma don't care.
She's chillin' in her whip.
Her suped-up,
bright green, Honda is the shit.

When does a kitten become a cat?

Why does the military tell time differently than the general public?

I have the most powerful "sweet tooth" of anybody alive.

I have a very strong "sweet tooth".  I don't have a big "sweet tooth".  My "sweet tooth" has strength comparable to Dan Severn.  Don't ever compare my "sweet tooth" to Tank Abbot.  It's all about density.

Cursing Doesn't Enhance Comedy

I have great respect for a comedian who doesn't curse, like Jerry Seinfeld, because it puts all of the emphasis on the comedy, not on the graphic nature of the content.  I watched a Richard Pryor stand-up, and because he's identified as a "dirty comedian", I felt like he used curse words to identify with this label.  I saw Jerry Seinfeld do a stand up performance on "The Late Show", and I loved the performance.  The censors didn't have to edit anything, either, so the TV audience heard everything.  In my opinion, the fact that Jerry Seinfeld doesn't curse in his routine enhances (not detracts from) his comedy.

I like muffins more than anybody on Planet Earth.

TGIW

What's In a Name?

You can really form a good bond with someone if you remember that person's name after the first introduction.  I always pay attention to a person name when I hear it for the first time.  My close friend usually tells me how great he or she felt after I remebered his or her name for the 2nd encounter.  I get so offended when somebody calls me "Mike" instead of "Matt".

Does anybody care about the contradictory lyrics "I don't wanna be a player no more. I'm not a player. I just crush a lot." as much as me?

I Can Accept Kevin Youkilis Without His Ratty Beard

I posted something about a person still being a Yankee fan as being spineless.  Now I take back that post.  I've watched a few Yankees' games since that post, and I've had a very hard time not rooting for the Yankees.  On February 26th, 1984 my mother birthed a Yankee fan (not an Oakland Athletics fans).  I can't abandon my birthright.

A Confusing Message

The commercial with the song that goes "stronger than the storm" concerns me.  After watching this commercial, one might think he or she, individually, has enough strength to withstand a hurricane, and, as a result, have a nonchallant attitude towards a hurricane.  In reality, a hurricane would destroy an individual.  A hurricane would decapitate a nonchallant indivdual.  That commercial only motivates the people of New Jersey as a collective of people they are "stronger than the storm".

So You Had a Bad Day

The other day, I had a terrible day.  I thought, in the morning, the day was Tuesday.  The day was actually Monday.  I thought this in the morning, and then I soon aligned my existence with the correct time.  I really want time to speed up, and it was a huge bummer when I realized it was actually Monday.  As a very hard worker, and a perfectionest, I tend to think I can always work harder.  I never give myself a break.  I burn the candle at 1 end, and I have a hard time just relaxing.  I should realize that a human being needs rest or he or she will go completely insane.

When Will I Have a Unified Brain?

When I refer to my brain injury, I refer to something outside of myself, as if I constantly oppose my own brain.  It's wierd to "fight" your own brain.  My brain controls the stubbornness of my left appendages.  I never consciously make a decision to have my left leg or arm spasm.

Wicked Prerequisite

In order to join the Red Sox, one must be willing to look like the biggest scumbag one possibly can.

I obsess over running sneakers more than a stylish girl obsesses over shoes and bags.

I wish to reach a stage of enlightenment where I can make a decision without pondering what decision to make. I'd live life so smoothly

I don't understand the racial division implied in food-preference. I love fried chicken, and I love watermelon. like Dave Chapelle says: "If you don't like chicken and watermelon, there's something wrong with you!"

I've never realized how addicting pesto sauce is before tonight.

Tiger Woods Can Have Sex

I want the media to leave Tiger Woods alone.  Outside people have no clue about his married life.  A man occasionally cheats on his wife.  I don't condone cheating.  I, actually, think cheating sucks. Maybe his wife and he had an agreement to have sex with others.  Maybe he didn't get along with his wife.  Maybe she is a biotch.  I really have no clue.  It was their marriage, and I shouldn't give a shit.  I do know Tiger Woods constantly has cameras and microphones in his face.  This type of attention would make me insane.  Not only does he have to try to be the best golfer in the world (with old pros analyzing his swing with the analyzation exposed to the public), he also deals with cameras everywhere around him and fans pleading for autographs everywhere he goes.  I think he deserves to have sex with several nasty-ass prostitutes.

I Officially Root for the Oakland Athletics, Now

I don't support the Yankees anymore, mainly because I see the acquistion of Kevin Youkilis as a blatant disregard by the front office of the Yankees' fans feelings.  Most Yankees' fans hate the Red Sox, and thus hate Kevin Youkilis and despise his idiotic batting stance.  I think anybody who still roots for the Yankees has no spine.  I genuinely don't like Kevin Youkilis.  I don't know him, but the appearance of his batting stance, alone, proves he must be a terrible person.

Each time you think about feeling an emotion other than affection towards an animal, think about your genitals.

An Important Curiousity About Human Life

I've grown curious of why I don't wake up in the middle of the night starving.  Normally, a human eats dinner between 4 PM and 8 PM (around 7 PM for me).  The average human has breakfast the next day at around 8 AM (around 7 AM for me).  More than enough time passes in between dinner and breakfast (about 12 hours for the average person) to make one extremely ravenous.

I'm so old. I don't know anything.

Eddie Murphy: Comedian, Homophobe, and Intolerancemonger

Why does Eddie Murphy have to use homosexual-slurs in his stand-up for the movie entitled "Delirious".  I must skip to the next chapter, because homosexual-slurs currently (I used to use a homosexual slur toward a friend when I wanted to "bust his balls") offend me a lot, and I must miss the rest of the chapter.  I guess people find homophobia funny.  I don't find anything funny about when two men have anal sex.

"I'm just having a mediocre day."

I've learned at least one about living.  Some days, for whatever reason, you just feel like shit (in your daily activities, nothing turns out as good as you want it).  Can we all just accept that on the "good days", when everything seems to go your way, you want to capitalize on the positvity, and make things almost perfect (your exercise routine, your dealings with people, etc.)  I've learned on the days when you feel like shit, you should focus on the weaknesses, and really work on them.  I've learned this because I have a lot of unpredictable things about me.  Some days, my left arm does not want to cooperate.  I have excaberbated "bad days".  One can decide to just "give up on life" and decide to "screw it" on the "bad days".  One can say, "I'm just having a bad day."  I now see the "bad days" as an opportunity for me to realize my weaknesses and really try to improve on my weaknesses.  Avoid saying, "I'm just having a bad day."

be•come (bɪˈkʌm) v. -came, -come, -com•ing. v.i. 1. to come, change, or grow to be (as specified): to become tired. 2. to come into being; develop or progress into: She became a ballerina. v.t.

In his stand-up act, "Mr. Universe", Jim Gaffigan says he "recently became a father", in explaining that his wife recently gave birth to their 4th child.  As he already had three children, he only became a father of 4, and he didn't become a father.  Although "Mr. Universe" is extremely hilarious (it's probably the funniest stand-up act I've ever seen), and I love Jim Gaffigan's humor (I don't love his logic), Jim Gaffigan makes another outstanding error in this same stand-up act.  He criticizes the mirrors in gyms as encouraging narcisism.  Gyms don't put up mirrors for a narcist to admire the image in the mirror.  Gyms put up mirrors for the excerciser to examine his or her form.  This reasoning doesn't prevent the occasional narcisist from loving the mirrors in gyms.  I know I really apreciate gym mirrors during my workouts.  I use the present tense because I still workout.  I attend institutional therapy 3 days/week (now 5 days/week) to recover from my injuries.  Maybe, at some point, I can recover from my obsession with correcting trivial mistakes.  In that case, I guess I wouldn't be me.

What is the difference between food and foodstuff?

Can "Realtor David" be any more effeminate?

My mom proved she's smarter than 10 year olds on "Jeopardy" tonight.

I turned 8 years old on my 11th birthday.

How Did George Carlin Stay So Bitter?

George Carlin built his comedic-career on making his stand-up delivery bitter and angry.  I think once a comic reaches the pinnacle of success, like George Carlin eventually did, you'd move on from being angry, and reach a plateau of satisfaction.  I can kind of understand the bitterness George Carlin displays early in his career, because he had to struggle to achieve fame.  George Carlin had to work extremely hard to continue his angst, or maybe he was just angry by nature.  His angst comes off as very contrived when I watch his later stand-ups.

What Provokes Angst?: Do Genetics cause Bitterness, Or Did George Carlin Just Get Made Fun Of a Lot For Being Ugly?

I watch a George Carlin stand-up routine at night before I fall asleep, and most of his humor centers around hatred towards a clandestine group of businessman who "own" people.  Abraham Lincoln (I think) abolished slavery.  In America, one person can't literally own another person.  For some reason, George Carlin had a lot of built up angst.

Who's the Man?

I really respect no limit poker.  You risk money on the fact you can read other peoples' minds.  Succeding in real-money poker (fake-money poker isn't real poker, because that game has no risk involved) makes you the man.

Please, Follow Logic

I have a "Sports Illustrated" magazine in my bathroom, and, on the cover, one of the headlines states "The Strangest but Truest Story of the Summer".  If you break down the logic of this headline, you'll realize the headline makes no sense.  The statement "the Truest Story" assumes that every other story has some falsehood in it.  I have a very simple story.  In the story, I only state the laws of gravity govern humans.  The "Sports Illustrated" magazine headline states this story has a falsehood.  Acepting the "Sports Illustrated" magazine headline, the laws of gravity don't govern humans.  Then, gravity doesn't anchor one single person to the ground.  The story that goes along with headline tells a story under which gravity anchors people to the ground, and therefore the headline makes no sense.  I hate it when magazine editors don't consider logic.

I wish my parents could move on from their argument about the "Gettysburg Address". They'll probably get divorced over this.

I Dislike Organized Religion (Not Joel Osteen)

I've disrespected Joel Osteen a lot on my blog.  I don't know him personally, and I don't know enough about him to express negative emotions about him.  A lot of people seem to like him, and the only information I have on him comes through the media (an infamously unreliable source).  So basically, don't ever listen to me, when it comes to Joel Osteen.  My expressed dislike of him probably just stems from my aversion of organized religion.

I wanted Lee Westwood to win the British Open, and him being a brit. didn't matter to me.

"Stand Up Guys": starring the 2 most ridiculed actors in the world

A woman often says how she sees "sense of humor" and confidence as a huge part of what makes a man attractive. Straight males also look for a rich a personality in a female as a part of what makes a woman attractive. I very much dislike a weak personality (shyness) in a woman. Indecision turns me off so much.

Is anything created, or are "new" things just a novel rearrangement of matter?

I know I thought of an entry for this blog, but now I forget it. I wish I had a completely intact memory. I forget shit all the time.

I CAN Fix It

I have a huge problem with the terms "I need help", and "I can't".  Saying you "need help" just means you haven't actually tried.  Literally, saying you "can't" do something means you don't have the physical or mental ability to accomplish something.  Humans can't fly.  Humans don't have bodies made for flight.  Often, a person too easily says he or she can't do something when he or she just has an extremely difficult time doing that task.  The other day, I became very offended when I leaned over to my left, and a physical therapist criticized my lean, and then my personal physical therapist said, "He can't fix it."  This made me think, "Of course I can fix it.  My brain injury just sometimes causes me to lean to the left, but when I think about it, I can correct my lean."  This defeatism from my physical therapist sucks.  My physical therapist should learn to utilize my strengths, instead of pointing out the things I "can't" do.

Avoid cultivating small facial hair.

How I Really Feel

The movie "Mulholland Drive" receives way too much flack.  People just feel comfortable with linear plotlines.  I dislike movies that pretend to be original, and the movie ends up being a  piece of crap, with a recycled linear plotline, like "Vanilla Sky".

Why do I find the name "Iain" so unessecary.

You live until you die.

My wife's wedding, and my wedding took place in different churches.

One has to rely on "Grundalia Techniques" to handle most situations.

"How'd I fail Women's Studies. I love bitches."

I don't think I've seen a funnier movie than "How High".

Please boycott Eddie Murphy. He's a terrible homophobe. I already purchased one of his stand-up DVDs so I can't boycott him as much as I want to. Although I'm not a homosexual, I despise his homophobic-centered humor. I won't purchase anymore merchandise that would support him. The frequency with which he uses the word fa***t, in his stand-up "Delerious", is pathetic and horrendous.

I really do like dogs. I just wish my nostrils and eyeballs liked dogs also.

A person should welcome a loved one to tell him or her he or she smells bad.

Ask yourself one question: Is it possible to pee without pooping?

The Relativity of Chemical Balls

Relative to natural breasts, breast implants seem fake.  Implants have a physical presence.  In the sense that they have a physicality, breast implants can be perceived as "real".

I've learned at least one thing through "Game of Thrones". Peter Dinklage has taught me the difference between dwarves and midgets. Dwarves have grossly disproprotionate body parts (they have small appendages with a relatively large trunk and a relatively large head). Midgets have a proprotionate body, and they fall under a certain height. I always thought it was the other way around. Peter Dinklage is a dwarf (not a midget).

I miss my peepaw.

Xari's Hair Proves To Be Too Terrible An Opponent For Italy

I Have the Power!

Does it ever occur to you how much power humans have.  One could just be driving to a friends house, and decide to swerve the car and murder someone.  One could just be eating, and decide to throw himself or herself on the ground and start screaming as if something horribly wrong happened.

I would rather stay slims, while depriving myself of my frequent cravings than over-eating and becoming too fat. If I appeased each one of my cravings I'd at least be 400 lbs.

Baz Luhrman Makes Shitty Movies

Why do people watch these highly stylized films?  I'll watch a good movie with clever writing, sharp cinematography, and a good story line over shitty 300 and any one of Baz Luhrman's pieces of shit any day.

I eat flavored yogurt every morning, but I still can't understand why anyone would like unflavored yogurt. I'll eat unflavored yogurt if I need to vomit.

I gained a lot of respect for my sister's boyfriend when he could tell the difference between a red bell pepper and an orange bell peper in a blind taste test.

Thinking about the scene of my conception horrifies me. I try not to think about it, or even think it ever happened. Unfortunately, this happened. I don't feel unfortunate to be alive, I only mean unfortunately my parents had intercourse.

I received my pocket protectors in the mail today.

Usually avoid using passive voice when reffering to taste.

Showing outward displeaure with another female's beauty displays blatant insecurity of one's own physical appearance.

A new season, with less pollen in the air (thus making me and my nose/eyes very happy), has begun.

Does illogical sense exist?

I have become much stronger.

I feel very horrible for anyone who can decode my nonsensical thoughts.

Believe facts. Don't beieve lies.

When the writers of "Game of Thrones" write lines for Joffrey, I imagine each one of them thinks, "What would the most hateful person in the universe say?"

VPT stands for "very pertinent towel", as opposed to VST which stands for "very special towel", or as opposed to VIT which stands for "very important towel".

Homophobia Shouldn't Elicit Laughter

Eddie Murphy, in his stand-ups, repeatedly uses the word "fa****t" to derrogotively refer to homosexuals.  People should boo this, but instead people laugh when he tells a joke containing "fa***t".  Although I love Eddie Murphy's humor, I hate his public homophobia.  I don't think Eddie Murphy would laugh at a white comic who repeatedly used the word "ni****r".

Polar Opposites

I made up a hypothectical feeling.  The other day (I think yesterday), a cool rain brought some relief from the hot air.  Amidst this precipitation, I thought this would feel so great, if rain didn't make me wet.  Then, I made up the quintessential precipitation: a cool rain that just bounces off of you, and you wouldn't worry about getting soaked.  In this situation, our skin would be like that material used in athletic clothing that doesn't mesh with rain, and rain just runs off of it: just like oil running off of vinegar.

Izod Nano

During one of my diatribes on clothing, about how a person shouldn't make statements about himself or herself through wardrobe, my mom said, "I think a person always makes statements about himself or herself through wardrobe."  I thought about this, and in realizing my mom actually had a point, for once, I amended my thought.  I just dislike when people wear something with a symbol that contrasts the background that highlights that symbol like "Lacoste" or "Polo".

I always wanted a vacuum for my vacuum. Luckily, I can buy an "E-Clon" at "Target".

Give that top back to Bach.

Joke

We all must ponder this perplexing conundrum: If April showers bring Mayflowers, what do Mayflowers bring?

Answer: Pilgrims.  Typing it out kind of ruins the joke, because of the Mayflower dilemna.

The Bipedal Pooper has struck again.

What Created God? or What is the Meaning of life?

I don't envision myself as an atheist.  I believe God exists, just not within a religious framework, that conveys rules for us to follow.  Being an agnostic, as opposed to an atheist, affords me the opportunity to question the existence of God.  What created God, and why?  Why does anything exist?  Did God just appear out of nothingness?  How does that phenomenon happen?  These questions have no concrete answer, and one should not waste his or her time pondering such unanswerable things (like I do).

Fluffin poops bipedally. I mean this in all honesty. She stands on two legs, and shits.

Make sure to pick-up the new "E-Clon" model.

The FBI should sieze operations of "Wendy's" for creating a drink as tasty as the caramel "Frosty".

Where did the term "hard as shit" come from?

I Despise the Term "No Homo"

I hate the term "no homo", not because I find it inexcusably homophobic, but because I hate how homophobia somehow has a link with humor.  People who have a hard time naturally telling a joke use "no homo" to say something "funny".  Gain some security in your heterosexuality, and tell an actually funny joke.  I just hate how homophobia pervades society, and, somehow, society accepts homophobia.

homophobia - insecurity with one's own heterosexuality.

The "Yankees" have absolutely the best record in the league, but they're in 2nd place in th AL East.

For people who ambulate easily: If you use stairs instead of an elevator (we made elevators for people in wheelchairs (or for people who have a hard time walking, or, also, for extremely heavy objects), not for over-weight people), you will not be so heavy. I don't want to offend anyone, I just hate when I can't use an elevator, because over-weight people (whose use of elevators might have led to the extra fat) take up all of the space.

The time has arrived for me to finally watch "Goonies".

What did Riko Devante do to Ray?

How many and which genes go into penis size?

You Didn't Die Today

I had a discussion with someone recently about how he can't see the world as "rosey" as me.  Before my accident, I envisioned the world more negatively than I do now.  I envisioned the world very negatively.  I thought so many people were stupid.  Basically, I saw the world through shit-colored glasses.  Now I feel very lucky I didn't die on March 9, 2011.  Everyday you don't die, just think you had a lucky day.

Lack of reliability, as a character trait, shows utter lack of focus in maintaining one's friendships. Don't be unreliable. If you agree to be at a certain place at a certain place at a certain time, then show up at (or before) the said time. If you decline to be somewhere, then let the approriate party know more than a fews hours before the set time.

An overt grammatical error makes me so upset. It illuminates the general stupidity of society.

I want to buy and wear a "Pocket Procector"?

I should do some research as to whether or not James Caan has a sister named Lynn, because he should.

At what age will I become a bad driver?

Consider Yourself Lucky If You Haven't Been "Beaten With the Ugly Stick"

In my opinion, if you don't look atrociously ugly, you have a good reason to feel lucky.  So many people have been "beaten with th ugly stick".  A person of extreme ugliness has had to deal with looking awful his or her whole life.  He or she didn't just become ugly.  I consider myself, at least, somewhat handsome, and, for that reason alone, I think of myself as lucky.

I LOVE FRIED CHICKEN.

What came first: dessert or cake?

I Don't Hate Christianity

Don't interpret my dislike of Joel Osteen and my dislike of Christian Rock as a hatred of Christianity.  I actually find it quite admirable to have faith in a cause and to devote oneself to that cause.  The press says Joel Osteen exploits true believers to make money, and I hate it when the abhorent styling of Christian Rock hits my ears.

Mom, it's Cleon.

"What is the most common human trait: Fear, or laziness?" This quote pretty much sums up my bleak outlook on humanity.

I want to become a dad not because I find little kids extremely cute (which I do), but because I want to receive Father's Day gifts.

Why does my cat love staring at me?

Why does she find me so interesting?

Walking Feels Good

On Friday, I had a doctor's apt., and in going to the doctor's office, I wouldn't allow my dad to push me in my wheelchair.  Instead, he assisted me, while walked with my cane.  Although I felt extremely tired, it felt very liberating to walk instead of sitting while my father wheeled me around.  Every one of my body parts that touch the wheelchair, received the air they so desperately wanted.  All of the nurses I know looked very happy to see me walking.  The choice I made to not sit down really improved other people's day.  I walked from the car to the Dr's office, then I visited my old nurses, and then I walked back to the car. Don't take walking for granted.

How can Joe Girardi even coach Kevin Youlkilis?

A 29-year-old male should be able to stand up without the assistance of his mother without someone telling that same male he can fall down and hurt himself. Even if that male often thinks most things can't seriously harm him, falling down will alert him to his weaknesses

I know my parents well enough to tell them to "shut the hell up". I wish I knew everyone this well.

"I should've worked harder": http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DSP6NI0k5Co&playnext=1&list=PLUVMEpQnchUYI-jN1BcH7HVg-9eMfkfRL&feature=results_main

It feels a lot better to be light, while depriving myself of the sweets I desperately crave, than to be heavier than I desire, while pigging out on every sweet in sight.

I can't figure out who loves power-washing more: Bob Vila or my mom. My mother just loves to power-wash. She loves hydraulics.

Who doesn't love a grilled zook?

I hate littering, and I hate "animal cruelty".

Doing Business: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YviYufXRw0g&feature=fvwp

Respect the universe: don't litter, and don't treat animals cruely.

Why do people make fun of me for liking the band "Eagle-eye Cherry"?

Yes We Can III

Most of my recovery comes from the thought I can do anything humanly possible.  This statement doesn't reflect arrogance on my part.  This statement only reflects the pervasive defeatist attitude humans hold.  Too often a person says he or she can't do something when he or she just has an extremely difficult time accomplishing that task.  When left to do my own thing, I'll accomplish the task at hand.  Again, this doesn't reflect my own superior ability, just the defeatist attitude that society generally decides to adopts when given a difficult task to achieve, and he, she or they say it can't be done.

Ten Minutes

After already standing unassisted for 8:52 minutes, nearly 9 minutes.  I've been longing to stand for 10 minutes.  10: a nice round number.  Every morning, I do a standing exercise with my dad.  He takes his hands off of me, and then we see how long I can stand unassisted without falling down.  I never hit the ground, as my dad always catches me when I lose my balance.  Two mornings ago a stood unassisted for 10 minutes.  Standing demands a lot of strength from the core (ass, abs, and lower back).

Liking Pizza Hut Doesn't Nessecarily Equal Poor Food Judgement

I shopped in "Target", and after I finished shopping, I saw a "Pizza Hut Express", and I said, "I love Pizza Hut pizza."  The person who I shopped with responded, "So you don't discrimate when it comes to pizza."  I take huge issue with this belief.  I responded, "Yes, of course I discriminate with pizza.  I really love good pizza and I absolutely despise bad pizza.  I just happen to like Pizza Hut."

When I can walk indepedently, I'll feel almost as happy as Kate Bock probably felt after winning "Rookie of the Year" for the Sports Illustrated: Swimsuit Edition. I just really hope she has authentic ass-cheeks. Sometimes, it looks like a surgeon implanted those babies right on there. I mean her ass looks so good, it's hard to comprehend it as a natural part of the human body.

I have low T - there, I typed it.

My least favorite human charateristic has to be a head under the perma-cock law of thermodynamics.

Screw My Injuries

Some (not all) of my therapists have told me recently to prepare to always use my wheelchair, in order to make me satisfied with my current situation.  I do feel satiafied with myself.  One of the main reasons I love myself is because I wake up everyday with a clear goal I must achieve.  I have a goal to someday run again.  That goal keeps me motivated.  My therapists don't know that running constitutes a major part of my pre-March 9th, 2011-life, and I won't stop working until I run again.

Communication Breakdown

Today, I attempted to explain to one of my therapists my main philosophy on living.  I try to live by the philosophy of living life with satisfaction, without living complacently.  This means feel satisfied with yourself, while striving to make yourself better.  My therapist thought of my philosophy as dissatisfaction with myself.  I couldn't think of a way to accurately communicate the idea that I do feel satisfied with my current situation, I just constantly want to attain more.

When life has me "on the ropes", I rely on "Shemper Techniques".

Utilizing "Shemper Techniques" has gotten me out of innumerable many jams.

I need to express I love the number "5".

People should know this.

A Meaningful Change of Heart

I originally wished Hannah Davis received the "Rookie of the Year" award for the "Sports Illustrated: Swimsuit Edition".  After further review, and a lot of soul searching, I have decided Kate Bock, and her gorgeous eyes, deserves her award.

I Don't Even Know You

I want to unfriend every person I have as a "friend" on facebook who has the same lastname as me.

Reading "Entertainment Weekly" Seems Inocent

As my mom read a new edition of Entertainment Weekly, I looked at the photos, and I thought how I really hate paparazzis and our voyueristic society.  I hate the paparazzis the most, because they feast off of the addiction we have to celebrity gossip as a society, but don't we all contribute to the paparazzis' income when we buy a magazine like Entertainment Weekly?

My Erratic Mind

Why does an unbent brim, and hair presented in front of the ears, whie wearing a cap, give me so much angst?

Are you sure you want power-up your computer?

Why does a person who supports weed-smoking, and opposes religion consider himself or herself a democrat?

Get Pumped About Jesus

Christian Rock sounds terrible (not even referring to the content (which I oppose)), I just mean the sound of it).

I sincerely find the exploitation of Christianity by entities like Joel Osteen and Christian Rock against everything good. I don't follow an organized religion, or puppeteer to Joel Osteen and/or Christian Rock, and I consider myself a pretty good person. I don't mean a person who follows Joel Osteen, or listens to Christian Rock is a puppet, but they both have many puppet fans. Maybe this post just stems from my hatred of Joel Osteen, and my hatred of Creed's music.

"The message that I get from Spring is that a change can surely bring a break from sullen winter skies."

I've taken the above line from a Trey Anastasio Band song.  The good weather today has me thinking of that song, because Spring has, certainly, brought a break from the sullen winter skies.  I hate cold weather so much.  Without the pollen in the air (allergies) spring would be perfect.

"I'll Always Be A Toys R' Us Kid"

My mom mentioned how one of her students (she teaches 1st grade) rolled on the floor, today.  I then thought, "I want to be young again, so I can roll around on the floor, and society would accept that behavior."  I then thought "When I was under 10 years old, I  desperately wanted to grow up, so I'd have the older people's priveleges.  We just need to accept aging, and stay "young at heart".  I then realized I, actually, don't give a shit about society, so eventhough I'm 29, I can roll around on the floor if I want to (as illogical as that behavior would seem).

Bring On the Warmth

I stood in my standing frame (a large assistive device for people who have trouble standing) outside today, because we have absolutely gorgeous weather, I decided to stay in it longer.  The warm weather even assists my therapy. and makes my nose run.

I want to know who had the first "faux-hawk". People must have thought, "What a jerk." Then a person must have said to someone else, "Look at this douche bag's hair." People must have been completely offended by someone committing such an egregious social error.

Simple

I thought of something this morning.  Every morning, my dad and I to a standing exercise where he takes his hands off of me, and lets me stand independently.  As I stood there for a relatively long period of time, I thought I used to become so excited when I could stand unassisted for 10 seconds.  Now, since I have stood unassisted for 8:52 minutes, I hope I can stand for 10 minutes.  The "simple" things I once took for granted, like standing independently, have now become a challenge.

Why do men from different cultures have different fingernail clipping standards?

I Can"t Get No Dissatisfaction

This week, I told my neuropsychologist I plan to run again.  In an effort to make me happy with my current self, she told me I might always use my wheelchair.  I had a very difficult time accepting that statement.  I don't envision myself as a disabled person.  I envision myself as a runner, and every day I work towards achieving that vision.  I don't express this as dissatisfaction with myself.  In fact, I think many people look to me for inspiration.  Every day I wake up with the goal of doing something positive that day.  I hope a person can learn to live in a state of satisfaction without being complacent.

I think my love of junk food won't cause diabetes.

You have to wonder this question: How do I perceive a troll?

Don't let death get in the way of your fast-paced lifestyle.

I have a novel idea: cellular phone coffins.  This way, you can "text" from the grave.

Doesn't a person who dips his or her "buffalo wings" in "ranch" dressing instead of "blue cheese" realize he or she hasn't lived a complete life?

My mom never learned the "Pimple Rippening Process".

Noone hates winter more than me.

Why does "Applebee's" taste so much better last night than it ever did before?

If you ski or snowboard, I suggest (although it looks stupid) you wear a helmet, because each level of snowboarder falls, and you could hit your head on a rock, and you could be disabled, or even worse. I have a good reason to sound like an alarmist.

I can't stand it when somebody talks shit to me about ruling at the card game "Uno". I then proceed to mentally demolish that person in "Uno".

If I had a cat body, I would relax as hard as shit. (Which begs the question: How hard is shit? I've never felt shit, so don't have the credentials to answer that question, but judging by the sound feces makes when it hits toilet water, I don't think fecal matter is too hard, unless you produce really hard substance.)

I can't think of any categorization for a "Mac" other than a personal computer.

I can't express how much I love this music video:

click here

For anyone who has watched "Twin Peaks", a television show Ray Wise starred in (the guy who sings the song), this song reminds me of the song the blonde lady sings at "One-eyed Jacks".

I know most people don't analyze the minutia of everyday life, but watch "Waking Life" for a good introduction to philosophy, and critical (pointless) thought.

Heterosexual Capitalist

I take advantage of most opportunities to flatter a pretty lady.

Should a 29 year old man love his kitten as much as I do?

I Saw Mommy Being a Slut Last Night

I've always thought the song "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus" meant the child actually saw his mom kissing his dad who dressed in a Santa Claus outfit.  That makes me think this kid must have terrible perception to not realize mommy, actually, kissed dad.

When I start feeling bad for myself, I just think about how sad Hannah Davis must feel after she didn't win "Rookie of the Year" for the "Sports Illustrated: Swimsuit Edition" (she totally should have won that).

I love Spring, but I hate pollen.

A Fatal Attraction

I become very angry when somebody realizes the obsession my kitten has with a laser pointer, and then proceeds to tease her with it.  I think this supports a common obsession humans have with causing animals to do pointless things.  Why do we taunt cats with dangly things?  Why do we cause dogs to fetch, roll over, and sit up?  I guess animals just have too small of a brain to realize the stupidity of such pointless behavior.

I wish Web Sudoku would advertise a different vendor. Right now, Web Sudoku advertises a plus, plus size clothing store, so every time I win I must look at a grossly overweight woman.

On the ride to and from therapy, why does my aid expose my fragile mind to the egregious stylings of Christian Rock?

No emotion can match the hatred I feel deep within my loins when Web Sudoku tells me "Something is not right in # of the cells".

In case anyone cares, today marks 2 years since my accident

The enormity of Kate Upton's breasts captivate me.

It's 11:15. Make a wish.

I disagree with organized religion.

I despise it that I answer affirmatively when a person asks me, "Are you spiritual?", and the person translates this into I agree with a religion.  I consider myself deeply religious, but I disagree with all organized religions.  I formulate my own ideas as life gives me a multitude of ideas, and I have a brain that works constantly.

Does anything more offensive than bad breath exist?

My father must strengthen his sphincter.

Little Brain

I started to sympathesize with my kitten about her obsession with my laser pointer, and then I realized humans would surely give up hunting a foreign red dot after hours of no success in catching the dot.  Cats have such tiny brains.

People

I completely agree with a greeting card I received on my birthday.  The card says: "There are two types of people: Cat People, and Idiots."

Does a more despicable genre of music exist than christian rock?

Stevie Wonder

I've begun to understand a couple things people normally do.  Superstitious behavior, and the practice of wishing someone a "safe trip" now makes sense to me.  Superstition signifies the person performing the superstitious act has done everything necessary in life at that point, since a superstitious action usually represents something completely unnecessary (like wearing a certain type of sunglasses while playing cards).  Therefore, that person can feel comfortable, and ready to take on the challenge at hand.  I used to consider a person wishing someone a "safe trip" as completely pointless, because the person wishing the "safe trip" has no control over the safety of another person's trip.  This wishing raises awareness to the person traveling another person in the world cares about his or her safety, and, thus, makes the person traveling to have more caution in his or her travels.  Just because I know you have so much concern, my opinion on superstition, and the wishing of "safe trip" has altered.

Listen to this Steve Prefontaine's quote, "To give anything less than your best, is to sacrifice the gift."  A person, too often, says he or she can't do something.  This defeatist attitude pervades society.   This makes me think of a line from a movie: "What is the most common human trait: fear, or laziness?" Just think about all you can do if you work to your maximum potential.

I Believe I Can't Fly

Why does R. Kelly base a song on the premiss of him flying?  Humans can't fly without the use of a jetpack.  I understand the use of symbolism to symbolize something difficult, but base your symbols on reality.  Don't use symbols to represent something impossible.  Instead sing something like "I believe I can be the president".

I can't befriend anybody who doesn't embrace the hilarious behavior of cats.

Look At Fluffin

I have no clue about God's existence, but the cuteness of my kitten provides a reasonable argument for him, her, or whatever having a role in the creation of everything.

The Director's Secret

I've found the secret behind the comedy of Tim and Eric: Awesome Show Great Job, and the art behind any of David Lynch's films.  Tim and Eric just make the viewer so confused he or she has no other option, but to laugh.  David Lynch just confuses the viewer he or she has no other option, but to love (or hate) the plot.

Pronounce "Sudoku" the proper way.

Just Replace That Shit

I've just realized something.  I become extremely angry, because I have brain damage (I don't become angry all the time).  When somethings occurs that makes me mad, positive thoughts soon replace the anger.  I just need to stop behaving so impulsively, and most of my anger will become replaced by positive vibes.

Look At My Nude Lower Body

I'll wear my Cinco C-Bund out today.

Kate Upton is too provocative. It's just unfair to any other woman.

A Perfectly Normal Frustration

I become so frustrated when I play "Sudoku", and somebody, looking over my shoulder, tells where to put a number.  nosey people

Food has a very strong connection to epistemology.

I'll start a food conversation, and, before I know it, the conversation will morph into an epistemological conversation.

People Behave Better Than I Think

I pass judgement on people so quickly.  When I actually talk to the person I judged without exchanging any words with that person, I find out I judged that person too harshly compared to how he or she actually behaves.  I should learn the lesson to give people a little more credit.

Living is a dual task.

Fluffin doesn't have leukemia or aids.

I Miss Freglynn

Visiting my sister's place, today, made me realize how much I miss her cat.

Don't call "Sudoku" "Sudooku"

The World Has Gone Nuts

The world has, apparently, gone insane.  Nobody understands my hatred of the expression "lefty loosy, righty tighty".  Whenever I try to explain my hatred for this saying, the other person looks at me as if I have no reason to get "worked up" over a saying.  I just think, "What the hell.  I made such a convincing argument."  If one puts the center-point in the front of the jar/bottle/nozzle, then the expression righty loosy, lefty tighty would emerge.  That saying doesn't rhyme, therefore it would make no sense to say that.

"The Slowest Eater On Planet Earth Award" goes to Matthew Collura.

Fix the Exit Numbers

I exit the "Garden State Parkway" at exit 131, for therapy.  Exit 131a, and exit 131b precede this exit.  Exit 131a, and exit 131b should come after exit 131.

I Must Have an Answer

Can I desire any female more than I desire Jennifer Lawrence?

Better Left Unsaid

I've learned at least 1 thing about life recently.  For things requiring speech I think about whether the thing to say requires utterance, or doesn't require utterance.  If the topic requires public knowledge, I must say it.  If it doesn't require utterance, I might just not say it, because people can't always understand my speech.  I've learned most things don't require utterance/public knowledge.

Hope For the Unintelligent

I use the website "lumosity.com" often, to strengthen my injured brain.  This website uses the idea of neuroplasticity to strengthen the brain cells.  Recent science has concluded the brain neurons can strengthen through time.  So, a person can strengthen his or her brain.  Smart people can become super-smart, and unintelligent people can become intelligent.

Stop Picking Your Nose (In My Presence)

As a result of my brain injury, I have trouble behaving in a socially acceptable manner.  People interpret this weakness as a sign I'll accept any behavior.  My brain injury didn't lower my standards.

Prerequisite

I only have 1 guideline for my friends.  I call it MLC: Must Love Crackers.

Nickname

Please, call me "Quick Throat".

Why didn't Jeff Hostetler receive a "Hall of Fame" induction?

Puppy Bowl

I thought "Puppy Bowl IV" came around this year.  The fact we have already reached "Puppy Bowl IX" shows me how blind I've been.

I want to know why "Larry the Cable Guy"'s voice angers me.

Who's older?: my dad, or me

Pertinent Life-questioning

I need to find an answer for this question:  Why did I ever prefer any Wawa milkshake over the Banana-Strawberry smoothie from Wawa?

Ms. Wigglesworth just released her new guide for pets entitled "Coping With Hatred For Your Tail".

Why did the Girl Scouts change the name of Samoas to Caramel DeLites?

To any new readers: What the hell have you been doing with your life? Why hasn't my blog been a "staple" in your life? Without reading this, you surely have had an incomplete life. Without reading my blog, you surely haven't accomplished the necessary tasks for living. It makes me happy you have finally come around to realize the profound importance this blog has on your humanity. Let's celebrate.

Fluffin just finished a new novel entitled "I'll Eat Some Things That Don't Blend In With the Environment, and I'll Attack Others".

As a species, we must embrace the lessons we can take away from chicken.

My Aunt just finished a new novel entitled "Sweater Heat", edited by my mom.

Does anybody want join my new club called the "No Goonies Group"?

My friend just wrote a new novel entitled "Throw the Veggies Behind the Bench".

I feel kind of bad (only kind of) about singling-out Lance Armstrong.  Probably, just like Lance Armstrong has said, tons of cyclists use "performance-enhancers".  A lot of cyclists probably suck.  This doesn't change the fact he exploited cancer to build a business foundation, and to make people root for him.

Live Cheat

People who had cancer can still cheat.  Just because someone had a life-threatening illness doesn't make him or her a good person.  Maybe Lance Armstrong was always a scumbag.

I Have a Disabled Son

My mom called-up a restaurant, and in wanting to know more about the restaurant's accessibility, she explained she has a son with a disability.  Hearing that really hit me hard.  I used to run a lot, and very hard.  Any distance runner on the track team will tell you how hard I ran.  Now I have an aid that pushes me around in my wheelchair, and that makes me feel so humiliated.

I would use a gun to kill animals, and anybody who tried to seriously harm me. I would never shoot other people. Anybody who thinks a more strict gun-control law will prevent kids from killing other kids completely misses the point. I hate hearing how president Obama needs to enforce a more strict gun-control law, as a result the recent school shootings.

Don't Consider Me Narcistic

My posts seem pretty self-centered, and egotistical.  I don't consider myself either of those things.  Think of my posts as a "public diary".  I think of something, and then I try to put into a relatable form.  Take this entry as justification for my primarily self-centered posts.

Relativity

Relative to my life before the accident (a dual-degree holder, and a distance runner) the way I live currently seems like a "free-fall".  I can't run anymore, and I (a masters degree holder) injured my brain.  I refuse to focus on these negatives.  Relative to having a coma, my current status of living a relatively normal life seems extremely positive.  About 20 months ago I had my eyes closed for 5 weeks straight, and now I can walk with assistance.

YAY!

I often post about things that piss me off, but I want to post some things I like/love:
1.  kit cats playing with dangly things
2.  great films
3.  David Lynch
4.  Stanley Kubrick
5.  pooping
6.  peeing
7.  popping my own pimples
8.  cute cats
9.  kittens
10.  Dogs that don't give me allergies (very few exist)
11.  my kitten

My Kit Cat Writes Now

My kitten just finished a novel entitled "Friendly, but Annoying".

Incorrect II

I want to correct another mistake I made on facebook, here.  I made a mistake about the brain's structure.  I thought the brain had a similar structure to the heart, meaning if someone injured the right hemisphere of the brain (like me), that injury would also affect the left hemisphere of the brain.  If one injured the right atrium, that injury would affect the entire heart.  I injured the right hemisphere of my brain, and just like injuring the right atrium of the heart, I thought injuring the right hemisphere of the brain would affect the entire brain.  In reality, the brain has a completely different organization, in which each neuron functions independently of the other neurons of the brain, and each collection of neurons has a different role (like vision processing, thought, etc.).

"of our days, and of our nights"

I wonder if Scott Bayo appeared in anything beside Charles in Charge.

Incorrect

On facebook I wrote Speech therapy primarily taxes my brain.  With that post, I think I made an incorrect statement.  If you, personally, know me, I hate when I do something wrong.  I wouldn't forget about this supposed mistake without making this post.  I think Speech Therapy primarily taxes my lungs, which I collapsed in my accident.  A huge part of good speech comes from breath support.  I have shitty breath support now, and speaking (something we tend to take for granted) makes me very fatigued.

Mama Domino

I wanted a Pasta Bread Bowl so bad for dinner.  I only received pasta without the bread bowl.

Pronounce a Single "O" the Right Way

I've grown so tired of people pronouncing the word "Sudoku" "Sudooku" in front of me.  I just let it slide (reluctantly), because I don't feel like explaining my frustration intelligibly.

Handicapable

My perspective on people who use assistive devices (canes, walkers, etc.) has changed.  A person who uses an assistive device has had to overcome a huge challenge to reach the current status of ambulating with assistance, so one can see this person as kind of a warrior, and a hard worker.  I used to label a person using a walker as a "disabled" person.  Now, as I primarily use my wheelchair to mobilize, I have a completely different opinion on the use of assistive devices.

Old Year

When do people stop using the term "New Year"?

My Body Is a Wonderland

Human Nomenclature

I find it funny how names fall into a certain generation.  You would have a difficult time finding someone named Mildred, or Bertha under the age of 30. I'll change "under the age of 30" to "alive".

The Rule of Life

Live your life so senior women call you "sweet".

Anybody (strait females included) who respects human life must appreciate the beauty Rooney Mara conveys.

Book Review

I'll provide a book review for a book I started to read for Book Club in therapy, and then stopped reading the book once I realized how much the book sucked.  The author had a car accident in which he sustained a brain injury.  The books contains incorrect use of possessive words.  This book uses "their" to describe a situation experienced by one person.  My English teacher taught me in middle school not to do this.  Reading this made me, literally, nauseous.  The author sucks.  Most critics praise the book, because the story tells the tale of recovery from drain damage, and I suspect most people feel bad about the suffering the author had to sustain to recover from brain damage.  I have a brain injury, and I don't feel bad for no one.  The book is called Surviving Black Ice.  Don't read this book, unless you want an example of how not to write.

Ima be a baller til' the day I ball.

Dangly Things

I have often wondered about the composition of a cat's brain.  Since cats clearly have no language, how do cats think?  Why do cats run around unjustifiably?  Maybe my kitten just does that.