Fluffin doesn't have a "pooch". Fluffin has a tuft of hair on her belly.

I just watched the biography on Howie Mandel. What a lovely film-watching experience.

The "No Shit!" Guide To Living

(1) Don't over-eat.
(2) Insert exercise (take the stairs instead of taking the elevator (for ambulatory people)) seemlessly into your lifestyle.
(3) Take a walk / go for a run (it feels good) (I can't run right now, but I exercise frequently).
(4) Avoid eating an excessive amount of salt.
(5) Don't smoke.

(6) exercise
(7) Minimize sweet intake (I reduced my dessert intake from 2/day to 1/day to return to my slim physique.  I don't ever want to be as heavy as I was during my freshman year and senior year of college (I drank so much beer).)
(8) Minimize fast-food intake


*As simple as this guide seems, hence the "No Shit!" title, many people don't live by it, and, as a result, many overweight/unhealthy people reside in America.

A person sometimes likes to enhance the taste of his or her yogurt by adding miniature pieces of fruit and/or granola to the yogurt. In my opinion, doing this just detracts from the taste of the fruit and/or granola.

I try to cut Fluffin some slack, but I usually turn around to see her eating one of my pills off of the ground.

Fluffin bit me. I'm really upset.

People need to understand the humor gained from seeing my butt. I have a funny butt.

How can God have a human son?

The foundation of Christianity seems shoddy to me.  We're supposed to believe the son of God is a human being?  How can God have a human son?  This concept seems irrational to me.  My elders always taught me that the form of God isn't understandable.  Human beings have a very understandable/tangible form.

**BEWARE** A female with a nice butt often likes to use "ass tactics" to her advantage.

I try to control my temper, but I have a very hard time because I have a short-stack thermostat.

My mom asked me why I'm so happy this morning. I responded, "Why not?"

I miss the waitress I had at the "Surf City Hotel".

I sometimes face difficult situations when raising Fluffin. I'd rather not yell at her when I see her eating my mom's cereal, and squash her awesome sneaky characteristics.

I want to avoid making "blanket statements", but any newspaper article I've ever read really sucks.

The mental energy it takes to decode a newspaper article works out my brain as much as reading a novel would.

I think of my friend if and only if I see Fluffin in the "monorail" position. I think of my friend a lot.

Don't even THINK you have a bigger crush on Kate Upton than me.

As hard as I try to be a pleasant person, a portion of my genetics makes me just want to upset people, and also "throw gas on the fire". I want my environment to be "rosy", but I also want my environment to be controversial.

When did the "Coen brothers" become "Joel and Ethan Coen"?

Can somebody please tell my dad I know I'm good so he'll stop repeating the "Analyze This" line.