Questioning Hot Water

I find the commonly used term "hot-water heater" to be completely unnecessary.  If the water's already hot, why does it need to be heated?  Shouldn't the term be "cold-water heater" or "warm-water heater"?

My mom's obsession with throwing away dirty napkins doesn't mix with my obsession with napkins.

Does cleanliness justify enduring the cornucopia of pain I inevitably experience when shower soap comes in contact with my right eyeball?

Everybody needs to know I had a ham omelette for breakfast. ham and eggs: what a classic combo

Since I've begun to monitor my cholesterol intake (I have really high cholesterol), I've realized how much I love cholesterol.

A vastness exists in the way I feel inside whenever I hear a Gwen Stefani song versus the way I feel inside whenever I witness Gwen Stefani doing anything other than singing.

I wrote a memorandum for the Big East once Rutgers joined the Pac East conference.

In an attempt to complexify matters, I often complicate matters.

I must temper the rage that pop. music provokes within my soul, or else I'd be a wild beast

I appreciate a person who has a strong grasp of physical laws.

I must temper my animal instincts for society to accept me.

Why Must I Be Surrounded By Such Insolence?

I bought a pair of mittens off of Amazon for Christmas.  Amazon originally said I'd receive the mittens before Christmas.  Once they shipped my order, the estimated delivery date changed to January 9th (after Christmas).  Once the order ships, you can't cancel the order.  So, basically, I got screwed.  Look at my interaction with the shipping company (I put corrections in parentheses.  I didn't correct everything to keep the incomprehensible nature of the original e-mails intact):

I fail to understand, if my package is already shipped, how it won't arrive until at least January 9th.  Amazon originally said it'd arrive before Christmas (I bought this as a Christmas gift).  If that's no longer the case, I'd like to cancel my order.

Thank you for your kindly email . (This person clearly has no idea how to communicate in the English language properly.)
Our only shipping way is via China post which usually take(s) around 20 days for delivery hope it will reach to you on time.

I need a guarantee that I will get them before Christmas.  If not, I'll just drive to the store and buy other mittens.

Hope  it  can  arrive  on time

I can't rely on a "hope".  I need a definitive answer.  Either I will get them before Christmas, or I won't.  Actually, just cancel the order.  I already bought new mittens.  This is the last time I'll ever procure anything from Asia.  I'm just baffled how, in 2014, it takes a month to ship anything any distance.  I can ship myself to #### China in less than 1 day. 

we  cannot

This really screwed me.  Until the order was shipped, Amazon said it will arrive before Christmas.  Then, you shipped the order and, unreasonably, the estimated delivery date was changed to at least Jan. 9th.  After the order is shipped, I can't cancel the order, so I'm basically screwed out of $5.  $5 isn't a lot of money, but I don't want give $5 to incompetence that will eventually end humanity.  Society can't continue with this kind of shit happening in logistics.


I thought I'd publicize a case of extreme incompetence running our (hopefully) rational lives. Basically, don't ever procure anything from Asia.

Don't miss Usain Bolt in his feature role on the television show "Fast Man Standing".

I'm Spoiled

The main concept I've realized as I've matured is to have generally low expectations for people.  I unrealistically expect a person to do something when he says he or she says will do it.  Thanks, dad.

Although non-dairy ice cream doesn't taste quite as good as regular ice cream (you barely notice the difference between the 2), the satisfaction you feel about ingesting a healthier option outweighs any satisfaction you'd receive from a taste sensation.

How Can I Be Antisocial?

My house lost internet connection for a while.  This instantly pissed me off, and then I thought, "I'm tired. I'll just take a nap."  Then I realized socializing with my housemates didn't even dawn on me as an option.  Is the internet making me more antisocial, or is my obsession with the internet just a manifestation of my antisocial nature?

The understanding of color value that many people display disappoints me.

Sometimes I really want someone to tell me my name.

Two Men and a Truck

I have a coffee mug that advertises a moving company called "Two Men and a Truck".  On the mug the website "www.twomen.com" is printed.  Not seeing how this relates to the company name, I mistakenly thought the website printed reads "t-women".  "t" and then "women".  I thought this might be a funny thing to share.

I can't stop Fluffman from turning into a pancake.

A Realistic Dilemma

I always wonder what I would I do if the hottest girl in the world wants me, but every time she has to poop, she poops her pants.

I'm watching "Gremlins" (a film about the little guy Jimmy).

This holiday season has me thinking about "A Trader Joe's Christmas".

My Accident Does Not Define Me

I have reached the realization that any effect of my accident (ataxia, poor proprioception, and other fancy words) don't at all define me.  I'm a disciplined, in-shape runner, who's intelligent, confident, extremely friendly, and funny.

My anger outbursts have decreased in frequency.

I find small natural boobies more attractive than large implanted boobies.

I sometimes wonder how hard a race horse pisses.

Fluffin loves to sit inside baskets.

My friend has a puggle (half pug, half bugle).

I have a very difficult time doing nothing.

Rationale > Emotions

My genetics decide I have a very short temper / short-stack thermostat (thanks dad), but after I calm down from the times I have anger outbursts, I can rationally interpret a situation in which I become angry and rationally explain the source of my anger (thanks dad).  My naturally rational mind overrides my naturally emotional mind.

I have yet to find a person who loves vanilla ice cream as much as my grandpa did.

The fact that most people don't understand the physical laws that govern the universe causes most of the world's problems.

97.5 PST - helping you become a consumer zombie

My mom told me to follow the link to Michael Nichol's interview on the "Boomer and Carson" show. (One should see the humor in that statement.)

I have a relatively good mouth.

My mom invited my sister over to her house today to discuss "Project Wall Population".

The Fate of a Conversation With a Loquacious Person

Before a talkative person even starts a conversation, that person has already decided what the conversation will focus on.  No matter what topic another person brings up, the talkative person will find a way to relate the brought up topic to the thing that the talkative person wants to focus on.

Do I have a great life, or does my life suck?

I feel very conflicted about my life.  Not to brag, but I'm relatively good-looking, I'm intelligent, I'm relatively funny, I'm athletic, and I'm a great cook.  When I consider all of these attributes, I seem to have a great life.  When I consider that I have therapy 6 days a week, and I'm wheelchair-bound, my life seems to really suck.  Thinking about this wheelchair-bound situation makes my life seem pretty shitty.  I, personally, usually think I have a really great life, but I see how someone could argue that point, and say I'm way too positive.

D-Bags

I just visited the J. Crew website.  All of the male models on website look like complete douche bags. The site doesn't have ONE model who looks somewhat normal.  I understand models should look exceptionally good, but don't have your models look like arrogant douches. Models should somewhat relate to the patronage.  Maybe the J. Crew patronage (like me) are arrogant douches.

I had a profoundly relevant meditation earlier today, and now I forget that meditation. This happens a lot.

I've just realized I'm not pretentious. I'm just a snob. To be pretentious you must pretend to be better than you are. I don't pretend to be awesome.

The Matt Forum

My opinions about life don't really matter.  I'm a privileged intellectual who has never had to deal with anything extraordinarily difficult.  I've, just like most people, had my heart broken, and I had to deal with the death of my grandpa.  nothing crazy.  I preach on here like people care about what I have to say.  I'm just really opinionated.  I like to share my opinions, and this is a really good forum for me to do that.

"Face/Off" Sucks

My disdain for pop. culture causes me to sometimes think I'm a snobby prick, but otherwise sometimes I think society sucks.  Right now, I'm watching a movie called Face/Off in the kitchen of my therapy, and the crowd (to make a generalization) likes the movie.  In my opinion, this movie sucks grundle.  John Travolta and Nicholas Cage really suck at acting.

Thought Colander

Had I somewhat of a sponge for a mind this blog would be a lot more plentiful (like a Horn of Plenty).  My mind is like a thoroughfare.  Thoughts just come into and quickly pass through my mind.  My ability to retain information has improved, but my information retention has yet to reach an acceptable level.  I still forget shit all the time.

Does my pure hatred of the show "The Chew" represent my naturally anxious nature?

My mother's desire to maintain a clean environment trumps any other desire she has.

Rutgers sucks.

One's mind becomes cluttered when one constantly wonders "Do I have everything my life requires?"

I question a woman's eagerness to change hairstyles. Why can't a woman stick to a consistent theme?

Life presents you with many opportunities to crystalize your personality. Capitalize on those opportunities.

Focus on Butts

I like nice butts first and foremost.  Breast aren't that important to me.  Don't get me wrong.  I like nice boobies, but the presence of a nice ass MUST precede an acceptable rack.  I see a nice pair of boobies as a good supplement to a nice butt.  The maintenance of a superb rear-end demands a lot from a woman.  Only genetics decide a nice rack.  Granted, genetics decide the potential of developing a nice butt, but a nice butt demands some exercise and a decent diet to stay around.  A woman would have difficulty eating a shitty diet and not exercising, while maintaining a lovely ass.  In some case (not all cases), a nice ass says "I respect my body, and I do something to maintain it."  Nice boobs only say "I was lucky enough to have genetics that gave me these boobs."  ass > tit

I've been trying to figure out if one can like dissatisfaction.

Although it seems like I eat a lot, I actually have exceptional discipline with my eating habits, and that's why I maintain a slim physique (not because I have a high metabolism).

In concert with my prediction, the Big 10 competition is spanking Rutgers. the Big 10 teams: parents, Rutgers football: a little baby

My Memorization Skills Need Work

I have such a difficult time retaining information.  I opened up this page with the plan of recording something, and before I even opened the page, I already forgot what I wanted to record.  I do this shit a lot.  I sometimes wonder how I can even carry out my daily activities.

concept for the radio - turn people into thoughtless zombies by playing unoriginal similar-soundiing songs, and turn people into consumers by airing advertisements repeatedly

I'm Only As Good As My Friends

I value my friendships that enhance over time.  With an enhanced friendship you receive a surreal sense of security.  I think humans live for this feeling of security.  I have always valued my close friendships.  Sometimes I think I'm a unique individual, but I then realize I'm only as good as the people I surround myself with.  I work very hard to maintain my close friendships.

I sometimes struggle with whether I should use "impending" or "imminent".

Most people say I have a "sweet tooth", but I just appreciate good food (especially sweets).

Fluffin and I weirdly share many characteristics. We both have a HIGH degree of distractibility. Bugs distract us both.

I recognize and appreciate natural femininity. I recognize and dislike artificial femininity.

Is Alex Trebek really a pretentious schmuck or is a pretentious schmuck just his "Jeopardy" character.

Opposing defenses should prepare for Marshawn Lynch's Beach-Mode.

I especially look for sugar nips in a significant other.

In the years I've spent playing games on lumosity.com, I've realized my divided attention could use some work.

My dad pounded this lesson into my head: "Once you smoke crack, you never go back."

Attractive women think I have a staring problem, but I just like to appreciate beauty.

The amount of baby powder I apply to my body keeps "Johnson and Johnson" thriving.

Be Happier 5 + 2 Days a Week

Joel Osteen has a book entitled Everyday a Friday: How to Be Happier 7 Days a Week.  As I like to do, I broke this title down logically.  In analyzing the logic of this title, I ran into a logical dilemna.  If everyday were a Friday, the weekend would not exist, and hence the great part about Fridays would not exist.  It seems as if Joel Osteen has established an awful world.

I tend to waste bodily hygiene products. I use an excessive amount of toilet paper, and don't even get me started on my napkin usage. I just like to have a clean butt, clean face, and clean hands.

I can sincerely say I have no enemies (at least from my point of view). I'd rather not spend mental energy on ill thoughts toward a specific person.

What Am I?

The recovery from my accident has increased my confidence (I realize many people would crumble under the physical pressure I endure on a daily basis), but the injuries I've sustained and the results of those injuries (brain damage causing me to be wheelchair-bound, and collapsed lungs messing with my breathe-support, thus screwing-up my speech) have significantly increased my insecurity.  So am I more confident or more insecure?

Don't tell mom I'm throwing her off of the train while the babysitter's throwing me off of the train.

I often think, "Am I dreaming, or am I experiencing reality?"

I wish to graph most phenomena I observe in my life.

Generally (this doesn't apply to everyone), the amount a person enjoys speaking inversely correlates with the amount of relevant subject matter found in his or her speech.

I have an over-inflated ego.

Not many people follow logic.

To Post or Not To Post

I sometimes struggle with my desire to make entries for this blog.  If I have a blog-worthy thought, I'll think "to post, or not to post?"  Anybody who reads this blog knows I really like to impress people.  I sometimes struggle with my desire to display my mind to the world.  I'll have a thought worthy (worthy from my perspective) of publicizing, and I'll think "why can't I just keep this thought to myself?  Why do I want to share this with the world?"  I share my thoughts, because I think people sincerely have interests in my opinions.

A person this day in age receives a butt implant. I wonder what it feels like to have a fake butt. When you have a fake butt, does it conststantly feel like you're sitting on a gel pad?

My favorite song isn't necessarily my favorite song by my favorite band. One can display this phenomenon by constructing a graph with song titles populating the x-axis and song enjoyment populating the y-axis.

I feel pretty ignorant that I didn't realize until recently the debate (I use the word "debate" because noone, beside Nicki Minaj, knows whether or not she has an authetically provocative butt) over Nicki Minaj's butt cheeks. As a lover of a fine butt, I feel like I should know this kind of information.

When you eat a sandwich, consider this: Did the sandwich-maker use the proper ratios?

I've learned not to give a talkative person ammunition.

The amount some people enjoy talking amazes me.  Sometimes, it doesn't even seem like life can provide enough subject matter for a talkative person to talk about.

I have a dad who not only talks the talk, but he also walks the walk.

The trick is to put out an aura where people genuinely want to be around you without insincerely welcoming people.

Word Confusion

When I use the word “faggot”, I don’t use it to derogatorily refer to a homosexual.  The word “faggot” morphed into an offensive term for a homosexual during my lifetime.  When I was a young lad, people used the word “faggot” to describe someone who often acts in a wussy manner.  In his stand-up performance Chewed Up Louis CK describes this phenomenon, and how he misses the word “faggot” and how he can’t use that word without seeming homophobic.  This is true.  One can’t use the word “faggot” without being called a “homophobe”.  I, personally, love the word “faggot”, but I absolutely hate homophobia.  Since people currently use the word “faggot” to offensively refer to a homosexual, I often avoid using that word so people don’t confuse me for a homophobe.

People seem to respect my ability to drive the bitch home.

Prepare For Complete Anihilation

As I watched the Wiscosin-LSU game last night, I couldn't stop thinking how bad Wiscosin will spank Rutgers.

Thank You...

I had dinner with some friends the other night.  One of my female friends took it upon herself to serve my other friends.  She served my one friend and he said, "Thank you, dear." One of my friends mistakenly thought he said, "Thank you, faggot."  How can you mistake "dear" for "faggot"?

I CAN'T Do Anything Humanly Possible

I have no hopes of becoming an olympic medalist.  My genetics limit my ability to win the javelin throw.  I simply cannot throw a javelin far enough to win a gold medal in this olympic event (especially in my current condition).  I would get smoked if I even entered this event.  I often say I can do anything humanly possible.  I'm exceptionally confident, but I'm also realistic.  When I say "I can do anything humanly possible," that means I just give myself more credit than most people.  I laugh to myself when I hear a person say he or she can't do something when he or she just has an extremely difficult time doing that thing.

The Top 5 Ladies In Showbiz (According to Attractiveness (From My Perspective))

1.  Beyonce Knowles (The explicit exposure of her butt in the video for Partition shows her hotness in full force.  She has a divine butt, and she has an immaculate complexion.)
2.  Scarlet Johanson (the recent revelation (to me at least) that she might have implants doesn't make much difference to me.  Her breasts still look real.)
3.  Kate Upton
4.  Hannah Ferguson
5.  Rooney Mara

We need to accept Miley Cyrus as the slut she's become instead of wishing she'd return to her innocent "Hannah Montana" days.

Like Daniel from "Karate Kid", I push it to the limit.

My Name is "Helicopter"

My friend has a friend named "Helicopter".  He told me, when she became old enough to form complex words, her parents let her name herself, and she named herself "Helicopter".

I've Really Matured

In terms of my food perception, I've vastly matured.  A couple of years ago, when someone would place down dessert in front of me, while in the midst of eating my meal, my appetite would immediately alter to desiring sweet food.  I'd immediately desire to move on from my savory meal to sweet dessert.  Currently, someone can place dessert in front of me, and I don't give a shit.  I can eat my savory meal, and I don't care too much about dessert.  I consider this behavior to be an example of living in the present, and not being anxious about the sweetness to come.  Having typed that, don't even think about making me endure a meal without terminating it with something sweet.

The fact that I act very friendly doesn't make me a push-over.

I'm Happy With My Life

Sometimes I wish I didn't have to deal with this shit (marginalization, a sensitive throat, having no ability to run) but when I start to think that, I soon realize the marginalization, the constant coughing, and the inabity to run has given me invauable perspective, and I can't think of another life I'd rather have.

My stubborn avoidance of the question, "can you please help me" seems to upset people.

I know I'm supposed to do something, but I can't remember what I'm supposed to do. This shit happens all the time. The fact that I can function in society amazes me.

I'm Sorry :(

I sincerely apologize for anything offensive I might have posted on this blog.  I don't apologize for any negativity directed at TV or the radio.  A lot of my blog posts, in which I admonish a group of people or way of life, were actually directed at a specific person, because I was too spineless to actually talk to the specific person about the problem.  I, somehow, thought this was healthy way to deal with the problems I have in my mind.  I have made the decision to stop doing this, and I'll go back through my posts and delete any post that might offend someone (except anyone on TV or on the radio).

noise pollution - the TV show "The Chew"

I CAN'T Do Some Things

My inability to play a picnic game leisurely caused me to question the belief I used to hold that I can accomplish anything humanly possible.  The other day, I went to a barbecue.  I saw people playing this beanbag-toss game (Cornhole).  I wanted to play, so I asked my friend to play the game with me.  Before we played, I took a few practice tosses.  I couldn't even REACH the target without maximal effort exerted on my part.  This phenomenon convinced me to quit.  I felt like playing a leisurely picnic game.  I was done with physical therapy for the day.  I just wanted to relax and drink iced tea, not try hard.  I can't run AND I can't play a leisurely game of Cornhole.

I'm An Inspiration

I feel pretty good about something.  My physical therapist just competed in the Ironman (in order: ~3 mile swim, 112 mile bike, marathon, all consecutively in the same event, it took him 14.5 hours to complete (crazy, right?))  He told me he wrote a list of 26 inspirational patients on his forearm to look at and inspire him for each mile during the marathon.  He wrote my name down, and I inspired him for the last mile.  Although I'm currently in a wheelchair, I'm still a runner at heart.  One day running in a marathon keeps determined, and I won't stop trying to better myself until I run 26.3 consecutive miles.

I want to make a timeline of a conversation with someone who's especially loquacious to examine the relation of the topics that the loquacious persion brings up to the original idea of the conversation.

I've developed the ability to turn any unrelated conversation into incomprehensible background noise. Unfortunately, this "skill" sometimes manifests itself when someone talks directly to me.

Depth and simplicity aren't mutually exclusive.

The efficacy of a design relies on the depth of the concept used to drive the construction of that design.

I'm conflicted. I want to think the worst about a person, but as I get to know that person, I sometimes realize he or she is actually a good person.

I use the euphemism "proactive" to justify my impulsive online purchases.

Google the word "need". Most people have an unsatisfactory understanding of this word.

I question my house-mates preference for radio music over silence on the ride to-and-fro therapy.

My stubborn desire to do things independently seems to annoy people.

I feel much better whenever I accomplish something I previously saw too hard to accomplish than when I ask for help to accomplish the task.

I have yet to realize I'm alone in my opposition of television and of the radio.

I'm getting tired of a person asking me if I "need" help.

The only complaint I can think of another person possibly having for me is that I'm TOO awesome.

Living Life

A person sometimes uses the term "living life".  This seems redundant.  Can one live anything beside life?

I implore a person to look beyond my wheelchair and my disability to see I'm an exceptionally hard-worker who's working towards running again.

I'd rather have somebody tell me I smell bad, so I can address the issue rather than unknowingly go on living with an undesirable odor.

The verdict's still out on whether or not I have a good memory.

One might suppose with the amount women enjoy talking to one another, a woman would develop a surreal ability to listen. This phenemenon of a surreal listenning ability by women does not occur, in reality.

My silence represents my general disinterest in having a conversation with you, not an oppurtunity to verbally attack me.

I think the maker of the movie "Big" should come out with a sequel to the original "Big" in which Tom Hanks' character doesn't know he himself is a little boy. (BTW, this doesn't make any sense. At least I don't think so. In the case that this idea makes sense means Ihave an incomplete understanding of the human psyche.)

Germany (Not Krauts) Wins the World Cup!

I've really matured since I've come out of my coma.  One can observe my maturation process by reading every one of my blog entries since the first entry I made after my accident.  After Italy beat Germany in the EUFA cup championship, I posted an entry on here that read "Krauts Go Down!"  Apparently, my brain hadn't matured enough to recognize the offensiveness of the term "Kraut".  I actually have some Germany ancestry.  I just identify with my Italian ancestry more than my German ancestry.  Hopefully, I now offend less people, but I hope that when I offend people I do it using more intellect than I did early on in my recovery.

Most people don't fully grasp the art I employ when I cook my chicken wings. I don't want to over-cook them so they taste like shit, and I don't want to under-cook them, thus administering E. coli poisoning to people.

Usually, the amount of deep subtance found in a person's speech has an inverse correlation with the amount that person speaks. This doesn't apply to everyone. A person sometimes talks a lot, but that person actually has a lot of cool information to share. One of my friends likes to talk, she's very funny, she's very smart, and I actually enjoy talking to her, in part, because she brings out the best in me (in my ability to make fun of people.).

I really value my relationships with people, but I have a relatively negative view on society.

Why do I expect somebody to do something for me when he or she says he or she will do the said thing for me?

A good way for me to respect you is to tell me you'll do something nice for me, and then actually do it.

One Man, One Napkin

I want to put on a performance piece about my experiences with a napkin.

The Circle of Life Omelette

I order a "buffalo chicken omelette" from a restaraunt near my beach house.  When I break it down, I realize this is a pretty twisted concept for a food item.  The restaraunt basically wraps the muscles of dead animals with undeveloped fetuses of unborn animals.

"Koobly Double-take"

I've always had an interest in observing animal behavior.  These days, I primarily observe the nonsensical behavior of Fluffin.  What makes her so alert about the chirp of a distant bird?  When she hears a bird chirp she runs over to a window to try to look at the bird, as if she can jump out of the shut window to chase the bird.  She's notorious for doing this "double-take" when she actually sees a bird in the backyard.  She seems so alert when she does this.  I find animal behavior so interesting because animal behavior rarely ever has any rationale.  Maybe just Fluffin's behavior rarely ever has any rationale.

My friend has a dad who's retired who brings home the literal bacon.

I sometimes wonder how the subject of Rick Astley's infamous Never Gonna Give You Up song feels about that song.

My desire to put powder in my socks inversely correlates with my desire to present powder on my clothes to the public. I have a very hard time navigating these desires.

No one can compete with my olfactory sense.

With everything a person says to me, I look for an oppurtunity to make fun of that person.

I hate the excessive laziness that pervades society.

Progress Baby, Progress

My cognitive therapist tells me she thinks "a person who asks for help is stronger than a person who tries to do too much."  I might be quoting her wrong, but I take huge issue with this belief.  I think that the only way society progresses is  when one person tries, or a collection of people try, to do "too much".  As a society, I think we need to keep trying different things or we'd cease to progress.  I understand the value of understanding ones limitations, but we need to keep trying new things to redefine the limit.  As a generalization, I think people ask for help too much.

A wise man once told me you can tell a lot about a man by the way he treats animals.

Bring It On

I'm pretty motivated to become completely independent.  I take advantage of my physical strength to thrive in my therapies.  Some people in therapy are too old/weak to thrive the way I do.  Sometimes I feel like I was meant to have my accident.  Everything I've done in my life up to this point (completing a half-marathon, going through many all-nighters in grad. scool) has prepared me to take on these challenges.  I can handle anything, and I'll handle anything with ease.  That sounds arrogant, but I am very confident in myself, and I can take on ANY challenge presented before me.

As I watch a film on the universe, I realize how insignificant humans are.

Most people aren't as anal as me.

I suggest you see the film "69 Jump Street".

Look Closer

I've been thinking about myself lately.  I dress pretty simply and the person I present to the world is pretty simple, but as you get to know me, you realize I'm pretty complex.  A simlar concept applies to me in my wheelchair.  When one sees me initially, one probably assumes I'm a normal handicapped person.  As one gets to know me, one realizes I'm an extremely hard worker who's not complacent with being in my wheelchair.

I don't want to use my wheelchair.

I tend to portray a very positive person to the outside world, but I'm conflicted about my current situation.  I use my blog as a way to connect to the outside world, and I can't always relay positive and inspirational tidbits.  I recently wrote this in an e-mail to my friend:

Inside, I'm a very confident person.  I think I'm attractive, and I know I have a nice body, but I'm in a wheelchair.  The constant drive and determination I have wants me so bad to get out of my wheelchair.  I don't feel at all like a disabled person.  It's kind of hard being something I don't want to be.

What a shitty movie "Open Water" is. Don't ever watch this. It's as if the director made an effort to make this movie awful.

Some people enjoy spreading negativity. I try to avoid negativity at all cost. Negativity is similar to a disease. Negativity eats at your soul.

Every romantic comedy I've ever seen sucks dick.

I think I enjoy diet water more than anyone I know.

I realize I don't really have a reason to hate anyone. Nobody has ever done anything terrible to me. Nobody has ever murdered anybody close to me (fingers crossed), or nobody has ever anally raped me (fingers crossed).

Bancroft failed to tell me my house manager (a straight pimp) would run a brothel at 61 Dey Rd. (I'm just kidding.)

I hate the world view that lumps Islam in with terroristm. I have a friend who's a Muslim, and she's such an awesome, selfless person.

Wearing a turban does not turn you into a terrorist. Killing innocent people makes you a terrorist.

Comtemporary Pop. Music = Shit

Most pop. music really sucks.  I don't like pop. music from any era.  I don't like generally labeled "good" classic rock, which I think was pop. music for the era from whence it came.  I wonder if any era's pop. music sucks as much as this era's pop. music.

I'll just be sitting around, minding my own business, and a thought about the Pimp Palace will pop into my head. This phenomenom will cause me to smile.

I'm Mad Lucky

I'm a very lucky guy.  I, actually, see my accident as luck.  I can handle, and overcome, all of the physical challenges I face.  I feel lucky that I'm able to confidently conquer all of my physical challenges.  My accident actually made me much more confident than I've ever been.  I realize not many people can endure the physical challenges I've endured.  My accident gave me a lot of perspective.  I never saw just how good I have it.  I have great friends, I have good genetics, (not to be arrogant) I'm relatively good-looking, I have a great best-friend (my sister), and (not to be arrogant again) I'm intelligent.  I've been lucky from birth.  I was born an intellectual, handsome male.  I had no say in these things, therefore it's completely luck that made these things happen.  Luckily, I had a very nice upbringing, where I had and still have a great family, and I made some great friends.  I had no say in any of these things.

No amount of arguing can possibly convince me that unflavored yogurt does anything but harm society.

Language Barrier

I've realized a consistent theme in movies: the ability of one animal (who speaks a human language in the movie) to talk to another animal from a different species.  I'd assume a species disconnection would disallow a bee, for instance, to talk to a mosquito.  In most movies, it seems as if the only language barrier is between humans and beasts.

Deena Muffin

I have an idea for a film franchise.  The fims will fall under the common title "Deena Muffin".  Whenever Deena meets someone, she says, "The name's Muffin...Deena Muffin."

You reap what you sew.

An overwhelmingly negative person fails to realize that most of the negativity happening to him or her is his or her own doing.

I'M NOT DISABLED

Don't see me as a disabled person.  I actually have many abilities.  As a result of superior physical condition, I didn't perish on the mountaintop.  As a result of my superior mental condition, and the many hours I spent studying in undergrad. and grad. school (exercising my brain), I thrive in the cognitive exercises I complete daily.  When you see me in my wheelchair, just think I'd much rather be going about my life as a completely ambulatory individual.  One day (I don't know when), I WILL run the New York Marathon, just as I planned to do when I crashed my snowboard.

If ignorance is bliss, then I must be very blissful.

One must attain emotional enlightenment to acheive exceptional physical alignment.

pineapple - a fruit that includes life-nectar (the nectar of life).

I sincerely feel bad for anyone who has a negative attitude, in general. Negativity significantly detracts from the quality of one's life.

Logisticare: you suck. Once again, you've eclipsed the one hour mark on my morning commute.

Set a positive example. Live in a way that if everyone lives the way you live things would be cool.

63 minutes should not elapse during a vehicular trip from 11 Cheryl Lane, Monroe Township, NJ to 666 Plainsboro Road, Plainsboro, NJ.

Just trust me on this one: living with a more positive attitude will significantly improve your life.

my physical therpasist's name: **** One More Time ******

True Story

My mom: Bring whatever you want to our beach house.
My aunt: Should I bring an avocado?

I often write about events in MY life.  I feel a strong desire to share my thoughts with the public.  I see my blog as a digital pulpit.  So, usually a thought I have (whether it be a thought about Fluffin, a philosophical thought, an inspirational thought, a totally random thought, or a relatively funny thought), I post on my blog.  I assume anybody who reads my blog has some interest in the events in my life / thoughts in my frenetic mind.  Actually, I tried to write a whole novel about my recovery, and I promptly gave up after I realized I don't have the attention-span to take on an effort like writing an entirely congealed novel.

I wonder how Logisticare manages to stay afloat using the awful business model they've presented before me.

The mole problem has created a huge rift in our family.

Love ALL Animals

I see my love of animals as an embrace and love of living things.  I love all animals, but I'm somewhat allergic to dogs (only some dogs give me allergies).  The fact that I love animals, but some dogs give me allergies, leads to me absolutely loving cats. Anybody who's had a bad experience with a particularly hissy/mangy cat, and has a bad opinion of cats as a result, fails to see the whole picture.  Although some cats can be awfully "catty", in general, cats are awesome.  In general, animals are awesome.

Somehow, I manage to stay positive amidst all of the unapologetically ignorant people I deal with on a daily basis.

Don't even try to penetrate my positive orb with negative energy.

Logisticare: with a driver scheduled to pick me up at 8 AM, I should arrive at my therapy in PLAINSBORO before 10 AM.

The human skeletal system can only hold so much weight against the force of gravity.

Logisticare needs to figure out picking up more people on a trip extends the duration of the trip.

Put a positive spin on most things.

Cinco de Mayo - an excuse to eat chili.

Based on my mathematical understanding, Anne Hathaway's acting ability inversely correlates with her nude scenes (not to say she ever had good acting skills).

Treating a person with respect makes that person more prone to do nice things for you.

My father has made an art form out of killing a joke.

I think it has taken me longer to read the "Sports Illustrated: Swimsuit Edition" than it has ever taken me to read any magazine. I read the "Sports Illustrated: Swimsuit Edition" every morning when I poop since the magazine came out. I still have yet to finish the magazine.

Attractive single females: I move into my own place soon. I bought a sweet heart-shaped waterbed to go in my new bedroom. Contact me about sleeping with an attractive man in the waterbed.

My name is Mike, but my parents call me Matt.

Is the internet a concept about society, or a physical network?

A male has a "testicle containment apparatus" (TCA).

I'd much rather endure physical pain than emotional pain.

I've heard many people call the combination of lunch and dinner "linner", but I've never heard anyone use the term "dunch" to refer to this phenomenom.

I Don't Know Shit

I've learned not to pass judgement on an overweight person.  I have a slim appearance, but it takes an enormous amount of effort to maintain that appearance.  I constantly must stop myself from eating a lot of dessert.  I kind of know how powerful the temptation is.  Recently, when I see an overweight person, I don't take offense to his or her bad appearance.  I think of all the tough work that person has to do, or all of the tough work that person might fruitlessly be doing, to lose the extra weight.  I don't really know how that person gained that weight, but I do know it takes A LOT of discipline to lose that weight.

"There's sometimes a buggy. How many drivers does a buggy have?"

Fluffin Butt

Fluffin has developed this new habit of climbing into my butt.  I'll just be sitting at my dinner table eating a hamburger, and Fluffin will find her way into my anus and crawl her way up into my colon.  It's very hard to pry her out of my butt when she does this, and it's very painful.

heaven = you have sex with Kate Upton while you have a "Sonic" tater tot in you mouth

A man's attitude goes some ways...

Don't forget about the froyo.

I don't want my drink obsession to upset anyone.

It's funny. I'll just have a normal conversation with my mom, and, "out of the corner of my eye", I'll see Fluffin cruising around on her jetpack. She loves her jetpack.

As I waited in the van outside of my therapy, I was apalled by all of the grossly over-weight people I saw leaving the next-door suite.

I want to find out the seasoning that "Sonic" sprinkles on all of their products to make all of their products taste phenomenal.

I appreciate the "Nut-bag Cleansing Ritual".

I now can't figure out which realization upset me more: realizing "Santa Claus" doesn't physically exist, or realizing "professional wrestling" is "staged".

I highly recommend you watch "Air Bud". "Air Bud" might be my favorite film of all time.

I don't wear "rose-colored glasses". I generally smile because I prefer to be happy, and not to be sad like too many people.

Many events over the past few years have given me a good reason to become a constantly pissed-off person, but for some reason I feel happier than I've ever felt. I don't think "happy-drugs" can account for all of the happiness. I think forming new relationships, and cultivating existing relationships into thriving friendships both account for at least a portion of my happiness.

Antonio's is closer to here than here is.

Fluffin doesn't have a "pooch". Fluffin has a tuft of hair on her belly.

I just watched the biography on Howie Mandel. What a lovely film-watching experience.

The "No Shit!" Guide To Living

(1) Don't over-eat.
(2) Insert exercise (take the stairs instead of taking the elevator (for ambulatory people)) seemlessly into your lifestyle.
(3) Take a walk / go for a run (it feels good) (I can't run right now, but I exercise frequently).
(4) Avoid eating an excessive amount of salt.
(5) Don't smoke.

(6) exercise
(7) Minimize sweet intake (I reduced my dessert intake from 2/day to 1/day to return to my slim physique.  I don't ever want to be as heavy as I was during my freshman year and senior year of college (I drank so much beer).)
(8) Minimize fast-food intake


*As simple as this guide seems, hence the "No Shit!" title, many people don't live by it, and, as a result, many overweight/unhealthy people reside in America.

A person sometimes likes to enhance the taste of his or her yogurt by adding miniature pieces of fruit and/or granola to the yogurt. In my opinion, doing this just detracts from the taste of the fruit and/or granola.

I try to cut Fluffin some slack, but I usually turn around to see her eating one of my pills off of the ground.

Fluffin bit me. I'm really upset.

People need to understand the humor gained from seeing my butt. I have a funny butt.

How can God have a human son?

The foundation of Christianity seems shoddy to me.  We're supposed to believe the son of God is a human being?  How can God have a human son?  This concept seems irrational to me.  My elders always taught me that the form of God isn't understandable.  Human beings have a very understandable/tangible form.

**BEWARE** A female with a nice butt often likes to use "ass tactics" to her advantage.

I try to control my temper, but I have a very hard time because I have a short-stack thermostat.

My mom asked me why I'm so happy this morning. I responded, "Why not?"

I miss the waitress I had at the "Surf City Hotel".

I sometimes face difficult situations when raising Fluffin. I'd rather not yell at her when I see her eating my mom's cereal, and squash her awesome sneaky characteristics.

I want to avoid making "blanket statements", but any newspaper article I've ever read really sucks.

The mental energy it takes to decode a newspaper article works out my brain as much as reading a novel would.

I think of my friend if and only if I see Fluffin in the "monorail" position. I think of my friend a lot.

Don't even THINK you have a bigger crush on Kate Upton than me.

As hard as I try to be a pleasant person, a portion of my genetics makes me just want to upset people, and also "throw gas on the fire". I want my environment to be "rosy", but I also want my environment to be controversial.

When did the "Coen brothers" become "Joel and Ethan Coen"?

Can somebody please tell my dad I know I'm good so he'll stop repeating the "Analyze This" line.

What makes me so upset when I hear someone pronounce Dey Rd as Day Rd?

My Top 10

If I ever become famous, I'd pursue this list of women (with 1st being the best and 10 being the worst (Relatively speaking)):

1.  Kate Upton (Asside from having an all natural (I deduce this (those things look real)) vuluptuous body, and a gorgeous face, she's extremely charming.)
2.  Anne Hathaway (See "Love, and Other Drugs.)
3.  Scarlett Johansen (I'd like to smooch those luscious lips)
4.  Cintia Dicker (hottest ginger ever)
5.  Emilia Clarke (Daenaryus) (She makes the list just based on the exposure of her righteous body in "Game of Thrones" (I'm going to miss that))
6.  Chan Marshall (she's probably too old, but maybe she's a "cougar") (She's attractive, and she has a stellar voice (she's a double whammy)).
7.  Hannah Davis (one of the many reason I want to be Derek Jeter)
8.  Kate Bock (Rookie of the Year)
9.  Rooney Mara (She's really beautiful)
10.  Kristen Stewart (I just think she looks good.  I don't desire her personality that much)

Can't = No Ability Whatsoever

Over the course of my recovery, I've met many people who claim to have "big balls".  A person like this will often say, "If I CAN'T do something, I just try harder."  Saying you "can't" do something means you have no physical ability to accomplish the said task.  Humans "can't" fly.  We don't have have the physical ability to fly, because our bodies aren't meant for flight.  When I face a very challenging task, I just think, if I have a hard time doing this, I'll just try harder.

Any Day = 24 Hours

When I ask someone how his or her day was, I'll sometimes receive a response of "LONG".  When I want to know the quality of somebodys day, I have NO interest in the length.  The last time I checked, all days have the same exact duration.

I recommend that you don't wake-up and think your birthday party takes place later today, when in actuality it takes place tomorrow.

One has an easier time saying "I can't do it" as opposed to saying "I have a very difficult time doing it."

I eat slower than any living person.

It seems as if at my conception the chromosomes became perfectly aligned to make me destroy any Sudoku puzzle.

Of course you'd forget your head if it wasn't attached. If your head wasn't attached, you'd have no way of remembering where you put your head.

Doggy Boy

I seem to take on my nicknames willingly.  One of my friends gave me the nickname "Doggy Boy" for no reason.  Over time, I have become a "Doggy Boy".  "Doggy Boy" doesn't really mean anything, but I strive to achieve the mirth that the nickname "Doggy Boy" embodies.  "Doggy Boy" doesn't mean shit, and that's just the point.

I have a reoccurring dream that I turn around to find Fluffin NOT doing something sneaky.

Who changed forecast to "futurecast"?

Fluffin can never beat me in staring contest. She challenges me to staring contests frequently. She can't beat me, because (1) she loves to blink and (2) she's distracted by EVERYTHING.

I hate the noodle dance.

A Shitty Newspaper Article Only insults My Mind

I had a conversation with my friend's boyfriend the other night, and it turns out he thinks on the same plain as me.  I read the newspaper every morning, and the journalists that write the articles suck so bad at writing.  These writers suck to the point that I challenge you to read a newspaper article after you read this.  Who writes better?: the person who writes articles for a living, or the person who majored in biochemistry?  The conversation I had with my friend's boyfriend centered around the fact that we think, as a generalization, newspaper journalists suck at writing.  He made a nice point.  He said that if automechanics generally suck at fixing cars, we'd get in car accidents a lot more.

When I sing in my head "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall" at night to help me sleep, I start at the 69th bottle. Essentially, I sing 69 Bottles of Beer on the Wall.

I normally wear a wristwatch. In a rush to get to therapy this morning, I forgot to put on my watch. Overall not having a watch on didn't make me feel naked, but it made me feel very relaxed.

I couldn't find anything about Edward von Munchausen in the newspaper today.

Remember Names

I believe you should remember someone's name.  I get very offended when someone at therapy forgets my name, or calls me the wrong name.  Somebody always calls me "Mike".  Recently, I have dealt with many people who have a very very hard time rememberring something.  I think the heart of the problem is that people don't care enough about rememberring someone's name.  Since I was a young lad, my dad always impressed upon me the importance of rememberring someone's name.  Hence, I've always had a knack for face-name recall.  I rule at the games on "lumosity.com" that focus on face-name recall.  I have a very tough time in my current condition (brain damage), rememberring someone's  name after the initial introduction to that person.  Thus, right after the initial introduction to someone, I make it a point to remember that person's name.  If somebody fails to remember my name (or calls me Mike), no matter if he or she has brain damage, I take that as a personal insult, because that says he or she doesn't find me memorable.  I always remember an attractive girl's name.

I, literally, have a very hard time getting down with anything in pop. culture. I refused to watch the Grammys, and I didn't like the halftime performance at the "Super Bowl".

It seems as if nobody will support me in my disapproval of "Bruno Mars".

Having Close Friends Makes Me Feel Awesome

I planned on venting to my friend about girl troubles via a "facebook" conversation.  I started the conversation out by stating the horridness of the "Super Bowl".  She responded with the fact that a migraine kept her from even watching the "Super Bowl".  I genuinely felt bad for her.  I didn't feel bad because she missed the horrid "Super Bowl".  I felt bad because having a migraine totally sucks ass.  I consoled her about the migraine, and I steered clear of mentioning the problem I planned on venting to her about.  I then felt good about consoling her.  I didn't need to vent.  Consoling her about her migraine made me feel happy enough to cure the sadness the girl troubles caused for me.  Having close friends makes me feel good.

I just love "football a la mode".

Presence

I really love the David Lynch movie "The Straight Story".  This movie re-tells the true story of an old man (Alvin) riding a motorized lawnmower, because he doesn't have a license, from Laurens, Iowa to Mt. Zion, Wisconsin to visit his dying brother (Lyle), who he hasn't had a good relationship with recently.  *Spoiler Alert* The story's pretty boring, so the whole film you're kind of waiting for Alvin to finally reach Lyle, and waiting for something exciting to happen.  When Alvin finally reaches Lyle, nothing exciting happens.  The two men civilly exchange a greeting.  When they each take a seat on Lyle's porch, Lyle asks Alvin if he traveled all the way to see him in a lawnmower.  Alvin says "yes", and then the movie just ends.  I think this movie expresses a valuable lesson about life.  I think the lesson is, as boring as things migh be, live in the moment, and don't be anxious about arriving at a certain moment.

I can't wait to go to therapy and have one of the staff members read to me the pisces horoscope, so I can see what "USA Today" predicts for my future.

I should buy an APP from the APP store.

I feel vindicated for refusing to watch the Grammys after hearing my mom ridicule Madonna for her abysmal-looking facial plastic surgery.

I've always had a high propensity to place myself in debaucherous situations.

Do dead people count when one refers to "everybody"?

I usually behave with one question in mind: "How would Snaglepus react?"

One must consider the societal/historical/metaphysical implications of the question, "Why does goat cheese exist?"

Don't Vote For Christie

I hope this whole "bridgegate" thing enlightens people to the kind of corruption that Chris Christie would bring to the white house.  This, hopefully, will prevent people from voting for that fat-ass.

Who Can You Trust?

In light of the political-battle between the Hoboken mayor and Chris Christie, I realize I can never trust politicians.  Who knows if the Hoboken mayor just makes accusations againt the governor for some kind of political posture?  I therefore think you should support the person you can trust the most when voting.  Don't vote based on a person's political policies.

Earl loves/d pooping in the grill.

One can observe the maturation process I've gone through since the beginning of my blog by reading my blog posts from the inception of "Profoundly Relevant Meditations". I've become much less petty.

The stupidity of cats astounds me. This is one reason why I love cats. Their stupidity contributes to their cuteness. Cats do the most asinine things.

Does Anybody Support My Movie Taste?

As the patients in my therapy watched "Get Him to the Greek" (a movie which I love), we had to turn it off for the offensive language.  We then watched "Wicker Park".  I felt like asking if we could stop watching it for the offensive storyline.

Fluffin received a Cat-Nip-filled stuffed-lobster toy from Christmas. She just loves that thing.

Don't pass judgement on people. You have no idea what kind of shit a person endures in his or her personal life.

Thank You

A conversation I had with a client at Bancroft made me realize I have

a phenomenal friend in Tyler Chaira.

A car threw the client aside,

and his former friend drove away.

That client had a distant friend.

That client had an unreliable friend.

As I lay on the mountainside, about to die,

Tyler didn't forget about me.

All the while, Ski Patrol sits on their asses.

As I told Marisa Brahney,

I had a friend, literally,

save my life.

I, literally, owe you my life,

Tyler Chaira.

Thank you.

I Should Stop Being So Petty

The way in which Colin Kaepernick grooms his beard doesn't represent his entire personality.

I can't imagine my world before I started watching hedgehog videos. I was a very uninformed/ignorant/underprivileged person. Now I need to get a pet hedgehog.

Don't Allow This Guy To Be Paralyzed

Support Michaels Nichols.  This poor guy broke his neck (fractured his C5 vertebrate) playing ice hockey, and could potientially be paralyzed.  It really helps me when I see each October how many people support me.

Stop It

Stop complaining to me about inconveniences.  People in other countries have serious problems, and you, somehow, think I really care about your lack of sleep last night?

The only problem with a lot of people, is a lot of towels.