Fluffin wrote a new book entitled "Fruitless Jumping".

Sporting Facial Hair Doesn't Automatically Make You a Scumbag

I hate the Red Sox, not only because I'm a huge Yankees' fan, but because all of the Red Sox give facial hair a bad name.  It's like a clubhouse trend to look like a scumbag.  Most of the Red Sox sport these ratty un-groomed beards.  They mostly grow long hair, and basically each player does whatever he can to look like the biggest scum bag he possibly can.  Kevin Youkilis and Johnny Damon went from looking like homeless beggars to both looking as smooth as a baby's bottom when they joined the Yankees.  You can still grow a beard (like me) without looking like a scumbag (like Dustin Pedroia).

The Best Jelly Donut On the Planet

My LBI house is next to a bakery that has a sign in front of the establishment that reads "home of the best jelly donut on the planet".  This bakery, as the sign reads, only makes 1 jelly donut each day that tastes better than any other jelly donut on the planet.  With every jelly donut one purchases, that person might not receive the 1 great jelly donut.  I think I received it this morning.

A Re-posting of my 2nd Finest Work (may contain some material unsuitable for people under the age of 17): Grandma's Whip

You can barely see a face,
buried behind those shades,
but she don't give a fuck,
'cuz her cataracts are safe.

prescription insoles,
feelin' the flow,
titties hangin low,
on her way to the sto'

panty hose high,
watch grandma fly,
27 in a 45,
middlefingers in her eye

Grandma don't care.
She's cruisin' in her whip.
a tricked out, suped-up,
Honda Civic, '96

sportin' 20 inch rims,
can't barely see no rubber,
got those flashing neon lights,
on the bottom of that sucker

top speed 120,
but the engine's real loud,
She's drilled holes in the muffler,
To make that awful sound

bright green paint job,
illegal fuckin' tints,
big-ass apache wing,
on the back of that shit

When she drives by the high school,
All the wiggers bust a nut.
"Damn, even my purple Mitsubishi,
Ain't that hooked up!"

Drivin up to the intersection,
She stops at the light.
looks out her window,
sees some kid on a bike.

Grandma revs her fuckin engine.
stares this bitch in the eye
the little kid stairs back,
it's racing time.

The light turns green,
but Grandma's a little slow.
Not even the honkin', and the cursin'
can make Grandma go.

By now it's too late.
The kid is out of sight.
Grandma's strait loungin'
at the same fuckin' light.

Grandma don't care.
She's chillin' in her whip.
Her suped-up,
bright green, Honda is the shit.

When does a kitten become a cat?

Why does the military tell time differently than the general public?

I have the most powerful "sweet tooth" of anybody alive.

I have a very strong "sweet tooth".  I don't have a big "sweet tooth".  My "sweet tooth" has strength comparable to Dan Severn.  Don't ever compare my "sweet tooth" to Tank Abbot.  It's all about density.

Cursing Doesn't Enhance Comedy

I have great respect for a comedian who doesn't curse, like Jerry Seinfeld, because it puts all of the emphasis on the comedy, not on the graphic nature of the content.  I watched a Richard Pryor stand-up, and because he's identified as a "dirty comedian", I felt like he used curse words to identify with this label.  I saw Jerry Seinfeld do a stand up performance on "The Late Show", and I loved the performance.  The censors didn't have to edit anything, either, so the TV audience heard everything.  In my opinion, the fact that Jerry Seinfeld doesn't curse in his routine enhances (not detracts from) his comedy.

I like muffins more than anybody on Planet Earth.