Kale

I saw an infomercial on the Nutribullet (a juicer) tonight.  My father has a juicer.  When I lived at home, he made me smoothies using his juicer.  One time he served me a smoothie with Kale as an ingredient.  WHAT A MISTAKE.  I took one sip of that shit, and the gag reflex was so strong that I immediately spit that shit up.  The fact that we make things with Kale as an ingredient significantly lowers my confidence in the human race.  Visit this link to see a funny Jim Gaffigan bit on kale: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WcI7jgkwdCM

Most things I observe upset me. The reason why I ignore most things is because I don't want to live in a constantly upset state.

Anybody who claims he or she doesn't like cats has obviously never met Fluffin.

Y'all're going to need to get more than 1 hamper up in this shit to contain me.

"You're the less-attractive Kevin Bacon."

People have compared me to a male movie-star or a male model from time to time.  The person who makes the comparison probably intends the comparison to be a compliment.  I don't really take this as a compliment.  A male model or a male movie-star has reached the current level of success he currently enjoys, in part, because he looks exceptionally good. I'm not a male model, in part, because I'm not handsome enough to be a male model. Comparing me to a male model is essentially saying I'm the not-as-attractive version of that model.

I have a sick sense of humor.

Outstanding Trapezius

Kate Upton's back muscles must perform at a high level to balance her bosom-heavy body. Her body shape causes me some concern.  She'll have to deal with serious back problems at an advanced age, unless she has an exceptionally strong trapezius.

The View

Who gives a shit about Whoopi Goldberg's opinion?  It's very presumptuous to entitle a show featuring Whoopi Goldberg's view The View.

A Funny Pronunciation Move

You know how you pronounce Arkansas Akansaw?  I think it'd be funny if you pronounce Kansas "Kansaw".